TLC

Crazy Love
2005-01-31 10:32:01 (UTC)

10

From: TheLadyDusky 4/22/2004 3:17 am
To: LordDusky (22 of 222)

New Orleans

In 1989, I was a bridesmaid for a college friend Cori, who
was from New Orleans. She was the first in our circle to
marry and it was the first wedding I'd ever been to, let
alone taken part in. I'd also never flown, nor had I been
to New Orleans, so I jumped at the invitation. The city was
fantastic, the weather was balmy, and we were all excited
for Cori.

It was May, and she had a big outdoor wedding in the
evening. There was a big open air gazebo where the ceremony
took place, then a huge catered dinner and reception on the
grounds of this beautiful park. During dinner, a band set
up in the gazebo and supplied background music and after
dinner dancing.

There were TEN bridesmaids (!) in matching pink dresses the
likes of which I had never seen before. They had pink satin
strapless sweetheart tops and about 30 layers of sheer pink
organza in the skirts. The skirts were sprinkled with
silver glitter. They were like something out of a 1950s
prom, but since I had never been to a prom I liked wearing
it. We were like ten Glinda the Good Witches floating
around under the night sky. All we needed were magic wands.
The bride had the same dress in white, but she looked
beautiful.

The band played cajun music, dixieland, some big band, and
some country. They had a few vocalists who traded off.
Guests danced in the gazebo and all around on the lawn. The
air was sweet with jasmine and tea olive. I was taken with
the whole display and chose to stay aside to watch and talk
with others for a while.

As I wandered around, I spotted another bridesmaid with her
date dancing alone in a secluded area. I'd only just met
her that week, but was I impressed with her bright red
hair. She and her date looked so perfect together, before
I knew it I was sitting on a grassy slope watching them. He
was blonde and tuxedo'd and held her firmly with one arm
around her waist, his other hand holding hers to his
shoulder as she rested her cheek against his. Her porcelain
skin glowed against her flame orange hair, and the silver
in her dress twinkled in the moonlight. They moved gently
together, perfect together.

I wondered what if must have felt like to be held so
securely and to be so comfortable with another. And then
something happened inside me. Tears ran silently down my
cheeks as I wanted so badly to have that feeling, that
moment, that dance she was having. I so longed to be her,
just to know what it was like to feel what she was feeling,
but knowing that I would never have anything similar for
myself. I wasn't like her or anyone else, I was a
spectator. I was deeply different and would always be
isolated because of it. It hurt so badly to be shown what
I couldn't have at 24 years old.

The band played "Stardust". The couple, engrossed in each
other floated and twinkled to the magical tune. I sat on
the grass beneath the moonlight blotting tears with my dyed
satin pumps, inhaling the sweet tea olive that wafted in
the warm air. And I tightly boarded up in my mind that
longing person who emerged so suddenly and scared me. When
the song finished, I regained my composure and rejoined the
others.

So, Fly Like A Bird reminds me of being in New Orleans.
Breathe is that longing person who got loose and confronted
me in my mind. And Stardust is the ideal I will never have.





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