lonely guy

lonely guy
2005-01-31 03:35:45 (UTC)

Goodbye's are never really goodbye

Ok...so i told myself that i wasnt going to write in this
godforsaken thing anymore...but theres things that i have
to get off of my chest and i really dont have anyone else
to talk to it about...er...really i dont want to talk to
anybody about it. So i figured ill go back to writting in
this thing...ive held out long enough i guess. Ok...so
since the last entry things have been pretty much the same
except for the fact that kat is talking to me again.
Um...im still with jessy and im actually happy about my
decison. We havent had any arguements or anything. Now, if
she has a problem we talk instead of arguing which is
fucking rad. But at first i wasnt really sure that i had
made the right decision. B/c i really liked kat and
everything. But ever since then when ive talked to kat and
listened to some of the things she's said ive seriously
came to realize that we shouldnt be together. I mean we
talk and stuff now but it will NEVER be the same as it was.
I wont let it. It's bullshit. I really dont even think i
can trust her anymore. I mean...why should i put so much
feelings into our friendship when it could crumble the
second i do something she doesnt like? So...basically even
though we still talk...ive lost my bestfriend. And i dont
think ill ever get it back. But...thats ok. So...the other
day i found out that she was still updating her journal. I
found out b/c she fucked up and told me...lol...what a
retard. But anyways, today i read it for the first
time...even though i told her i wasnt going to...she'll
prolly be pissed but o well b/c she'll read this...
anyways...i think that as of today i was still ify about me
jess's relationship. But after reading her post ive made up
my mind. Her's a little part of what she wrote...

"I dunno I think that I've decided that since me and
Sharief are never gonna be able to get together I think
that I'm gonna see if Ryan will take me back, or there is
this guy named Durky who is totally hot who I think likes
me. Me and my mom talked today about Sharief and she felt
really sorry for me. I told her how I felt 'bout Sharief
and she was like well he's dumb for passin up someone as
hot as me. She also said something to the tone that we are
just from diff. social classes, which maybe she's right. I
have to find someone on my level. Like everyone who I've
told about likeing Sharief has been like what the hell are
you thinkin. They all tell me that I'm to good for him. I
dunno sometimes I actually belive them, but I don't like to
think that I'm better than anyone(cuz no one is ever better
than anyone else.)I hate people who judge others. I try so
hard not to judge others. Welp I'm sorta tipsy so I'm gonna
go crash. TTYL Bubbles "

I mean...what kind of shit is that? Her mom says im stupid
for passing up someone as "HOT" as her??? ok...for the
fucking record the reason i liked kat is not b/c of her
looks but b/c of our talks. I mean...i dont even think kat
is that fucking great looking. She's cute and all but she
walks around acting like she's hot shit. which really
pisses me off b/c i cant stand shallow people. Im beggining
to think that her whole family is like that.

And also she thinks we're on different social
classes...hm...this just goes to show you that people who
have a little bit of money thinks that they're are better
than others. Im fucking sorry that i dont have much money
but im actually glad that i dont. B/c i have to stuggle for
shit. I swear to god if i was that shallow i would go and
hang myself for being so stupid. And what kinda shit is it
where kat "TRIES" not to judge others...or that she
sometimes believes that she's too good for me....WTF? i
dont even think kat has actually had a steady job. i mean
EVERYTHING has been handed to that girl. I really dont ever
think she's had to struggle like the way i have to or the
way my dad does. She sure the hell would be a lot better
off if she would. Arg...man i hate people like that... "I
have to find someone one my own level"...but yet she's
going back to her ex ryan who isnt ever going to amount to
shit. he never even graduated highschool. All he does is
sit around and do drugs. But i guess thats on kats level.
Arg...fuck it. I'm w/ jess and she loves me for who i am.
She's the most unshallowest girl ive ever met in my entire
life. Which is great...and she wants to marry me. Which is
also great. I dont know what i was thinking when i broke
up w/ her.....Oh and its not what she has that you dont
have kat...its about what she doesnt have...like your
fucked up look on life. i mean she IS on my social
level...right kat?
later




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