Glittery green glue

The white petal in the red rose
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2005-01-31 03:25:11 (UTC)


Okay...first entry...i've been in so many fucking free
journal pages i lost count XD. Anyway i just signed up
here because my friends have accounts in the other ones
and i really don't want them reading my diary....all you
other little people are allowed to though XD. Okay. Back
to the subject. Omfg ( original of me ^^;). My
mother is seriously driving me insane, she can't go ONE
goddamn day withouht yelling at me about something I did
wrong, and I know sometimes it's things that i should
already know because they are "obvious" but still, a lot
of the times she yells at me for no fucking reason at all.
I'm sick of it. I can't even go anywhere or talk to any of
my friends about it. I don't have any family near me they
all live in another country. My dad..well..i haven't seen
him or had any contact with him in like 5 years
that's outta the question, and most of my friends won't
understand. I could talk to Jessy about it, but right now
she's going through some tough times with her mom i REALLY don't wanna bother her with my issues,
and well...i could talk to Nikki...but i don't
know ...she's very secretive-ish...x_______X i don't feel
comfortable being TOO open to her. Murf...the truth is i
could talk to a couple of friends about it but its like
10pm and none of them are screw that XD. I'm
just gonna rant about it here before the anger goes away.
But no kidding around I can barely stand her anymore. It's
no wonder my dad left us...hell i would leave her if i had
the chance...once i graduate from high school i don't give
a crap where i land but i'm SOOOOOOOO not staying in this
shit-load. I can't even have a nice 3 day vacation with
her without getting stressed out. She gets so furious
about the most tiny things, she doesn't plan things
through, she can't decide in anything, she talks but
doesn't act. She's much to hard to deal with. And any
problems that she has she leashes them out on ME. That's
what REALLY REALLY bothers me, like when we lived with my
stepfather. If she had an argument with him she would like
cry and if i even got near her she would start yelling and
screaming at me...but i really don't wanna remember living
with my stepdad...that really put me through a fucking
living hell...he is one of the only people that deserve a
painful death. Omg sheez i can't even stay on one subject
for more than a couple sentences x_______________X i'm
sorry to all you people that are reading this and being
all confused because of me XD. Sometimes she really makes
me not only mad...but she makes me feel absolutely
depressed, you have no idea how many times i've felt like
cutting myself now. But i know much too well that i'm
gonna regret it later when the cuts leave a scar behind
that will only remind me of the pain that i felt then. In
times like this I really wish my dad wasn't such an
asshole..that he had actually taken care of us for more
than a couple years and that he was near me so i could
even talk to him about something like this...god i'm a
idiot...i'm like tearing up right now...damnit. XD. Well,
don't worry my little minions i'm not gonna cut or runaway
or do any of that crap...i just think about it so i can
feel better...yes I'm a Pisces...i guess that explains
it ... /:S ... well i guess i should go cause "she" wants
to call HER least they can actually get wonderful for them.

Sorry for such a pitiful rant...god i need to work on
these. XD. Well i'm gonna leave now.