X is my secret.
2005-01-30 08:03:51 (UTC)

Damn it


So the whole lets not let boys make me decide how I feel
about myself, that didn't work out so much.

First of all, after much sulking and deciding that Brad
hates me, I called him. Turns out he doesn't hate me, and we
hung out. That was great, but I get the incesent feeling
that I'm not going to get him. So, I've decided to leave him
alone. This is even odd to me, because my decision up until
that night was to keep my virginity and keep Brad.

Oh, and just so you all know, I'm still slightly tipsy.

Ok, and now for the big news of the year. John Willis called
me tonight, thus why I decided to go get wasted. Of course I
barely got tipsy, much less wasted. But then I decided to
stay home the rest of the night, bc of John. (There's an
apartment full of boys where the rest of the girls went.)
But, so yeah John called. It was wonderful to hear his
voice. The thing is it was just kinda meant to be this
sexual phone thing, but it was so much more to me. I had no
clue it was going to be like that. It was great. I haven't
been THAT horny in so long. I haven't felt taht much urge
for a person. But then he started telling me how much he
wanted me back at camp, in the cabins. Describing how bad he
wanted me. And. . well. . I cried. He didn't know, I kept
moaning, but I lied there for a while staring at the
ceiling, tears streaming down my cheeks, to my neck, to the
bed. The exact places I wished his kisses were.

I miss him so bad, and I just dont' know, because I would
give him everything, but I would give him for Brad. Which is
sad, I know. I haven't even heard from fireman John lately.

Alright well, I'm really tired from all that beer. I AM LIKE

Love! ('specially you john)
Mistin (Misti is now my party name)