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2005-01-29 04:46:11 (UTC)

I did it again.....

Well I did it again. I talked the one person I said I would
never talk to ever. Nolan.....I wish he would just loose my
number. He is a chapter in my life I want to erase. I
promised myself and others that I would forget about him
and just when everything is going great and my life is
finally making since he calls and like an idiot I start
wondering what the hell. i just wish he would leave me
alone. He is the past that I want out of my mind. He says
he wants to talk to me. "What about?" I can only imagen. He
probably wants to try the whole I left my wife thing and
tell me that he is ready to start his life with me. But the
real question is do I want to start one with him? He has
hurt me in the past and I have hurt him so why would he
want to be with me. Because he loves me. Because he can't
stand to live without me. Then I ask myself do I still love
him, do I still want to have a life with him, can I live
without him? I don't want anything to do with him. Three
months ago I would have said different. But I am a new
person now and I have a new life. I am with a great girl.
And I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world. She is
my shining star. And right now she is my life. I love her
and I will not do anything to hurt her. So tomorrow when he
calls I will tell him once again to not call me ever. And
if that doesn't work I will get my number changed.

And to my dear THEA. I know you will read this and you will
doubt yourself and you will fear that you will loose me to
a guy, well I promise that I am not going anywhere. I love
you with all my heart and want to be with you and only you.
You are my life and my world and I will not do anything to
loose that.


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