peekaboo

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2005-01-29 03:39:18 (UTC)

Tears make my mascara run.

I hate boys. They are so stupid.

So i went to the pep game tonight...and it sucked. A
lottish. I spent most of the night crying because Zack
(the guy that dumped me eight days before homecoming)
started phoning my friend Melissa, and I was tired of
talking about him and I was just so STRESSED that I wanted
to kick someone. So there I was, outside crying, trying to
get hypothermia and die, when I see bennett. And suddenly,
I find myself hugging him...he was so strong and safe...i
felt perfect. And then I pulled away and that was over.
Later, I found out that made him like me EVEN MORE. So I
went to the band room to get my trumpet (BAND IS LIFE!!!)
and I saw Phil crying 'cause he found out Megan was going
to Turnabout with Corey....and then Megan told him to go
with me, and he said yeah. So I was like, yes, somethings
FINALLY going right in my life. So I was all happy and
such, and Lisa whispered something to Megan...she
cried "Awwwww!!! and ran away. Lisa said something to
Beeca, and Becca looked at me and looked so sad...so I
asked Lisa what it was, and GUESS WHAT? I found out Bennet
is going to ask me to Turnabout on Monday. Which means I
have to decide this weekend what I want. And it's all my
fault for hugging him.

Okay...it's not that I don't like Bennett. But I don't
want any kind of pressure at all...I don't want to be with
someone whom I know likes me, because then i'll be all
nervous the whole time, trying to impress him and make
things better. I'd rather go with Phil, who I'm just
friends with, because it would be SO much easier.
But at the same time, I really don't want to hurt Bennett
by saying no and risk losing my chance to fix us...and the
easy solution is to just ask Phil
before I talk to Bennett, but I HATE being rushed into
things and making hasty decisions. MY GOD, it's only
JANUARY!!!! Turnabout isn't until March! I don't want to
decide yet...hell, i might want to not go at all!!! I just
want...peace. I don't want all this happening now.
Plus...there's all the Matt crap still going on...So I just
don't know. Sometimes I just want to scream.

Hey...you want to hear a story? It's called everything
sucks. The end.


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