The Quest
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2005-01-29 00:04:06 (UTC)

Pissed off

Ok, so I just had a huge fight with a girl. Let me try and
explain the whole thing to you. I met Marike about 3 years
ago. Very nice girl and we both were having problems with
other people in our lives at that stage and we talked a
bit and became friends. Ok, so in anycase I hate seeing
people 24/7, I don't always want to see someone every day
and I hate it when someone starts spending every second of
every day around me.

So Marike and I were friends, right. So we go to this one
camp and she starts to spend every second hanging around
me, If I go here she goes here, if I sit here she sits
here, If I go to get a plate, I must wait for her so we
can get a plate together. This is the kind of behaviour
that really gets to me, I think it stems from my childhood
where I was forced to spend my entire life bent around the
will of the rest of the family to go Horse riding. Every
single damn weekend, was spent with me having to amuse
myself without friends in a crap place in a different town
with absolutely nothing to do and then I had a baby sister
that I had to take with me cause otherwise she would cry
about how unfair it was that I was off on my own "having
fun". I really carry alot of baggage about that time in my
life. In fact to this day I hate anything to do with
horses. Oh yeah and I hate tag along's I start to get
flash backs and I just want to get away. So Marike is
causing a whole lot of unwanted stress (not really her
fault) and I'm really starting to get the idea that this
girl wants more than friendship, but the feeling is not
mutual (not really my fault, I can't change who I like and
don't like.) So I confront her on the issue make up some
crap excuse about why we just have to be friends (I should
have told her straight off that I was not interested) and
then hope the situation goes away. So I deciede best to
slow things down from my side and I pull away. But I was a
idiot and she kept on telling me that she really had had
no interest in me at all, I was just dreaming things etc
etc etc. and I believed her. Started hanging out again,
everything is going well. (Ok I was a bit of a prick at
this stage as well, cause I knew deep down inside that she
still liked me, but I kept her just far enough away and
honestly used her as a bit of a practice ground) So she
moves to England, and I find out that she thinks I am the
one... her husband to be and all that stuff. But I think
how bad can it be, she's overseas far away nothing going
to happen. Anycase, everytime I log onto my computer there
she is on MSN, and she starts chatting away and I start
feeling like I have to put MSN onto offline mode just to
get away. I mean I'm sorry but I use my computer for work
and play and sometimes chatting. It's the place I go to
get away from the rest of the damn world. So don't want
that time constantly interrupted by anyone. I get pissed
off with anyone that constantly interrupts me. So she's
getting more and more like whats wrong with you, and I'm
getting more and more abrupt and short with my answers
back. So today I blow up. I told her that it's pissing me
off and that we can't be friends anymore. I should have
done that ages ago. I really didn't want to hurt her, but
in the end I think I was doing more damage to her by
keeping it going just as a boost to my ego. I will really
miss her friendship and the long chats we used to have,
but I really think this is for the best. It will give her
a chance to get over me and move on with her life.

If you are wondering how I can know that she felt that way
about me, it came from her best friend, someone I also
know quite well and trust, she wouldn't lie.