sarbare

illuminations
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2005-01-28 02:39:56 (UTC)

nutty

SarahRedPrincess: i wish you would bought me at least one
beer
mrdmd83: i wouldnt have been helping u
SarahRedPrincess: yes you woulda, im freaking anxious and
liable to go do something dumb. i just want something to
calm me the heel down
mrdmd83: I felt like shit the first couple of days but I
feel great now
mrdmd83: something dumb?
SarahRedPrincess: i havent drank since sat night
SarahRedPrincess: i dunno its just when i get restless i
get impulsive and i hate that
mrdmd83: maybe u need medication
mrdmd83: and don't do anything dumb
SarahRedPrincess: what the hell do you get meds for that?
mrdmd83: anxiety
SarahRedPrincess: i think i may be bi-polar
mrdmd83: yeah
SarahRedPrincess: no i get so like i feel like i cant
stand it
SarahRedPrincess: and its not anxiety
SarahRedPrincess: then ill get really depressed
mrdmd83: that actually makes a lot of sense now that you
say that
SarahRedPrincess: and sleep a lot
SarahRedPrincess: i constantly feel like im going crazy
mrdmd83: you should go tomorrow or over this weekend and
talk the him/her
SarahRedPrincess: i think i self medicate with beer
mrdmd83: yes
mrdmd83: I do
SarahRedPrincess: it calms me down but just enough so i
dont feel depressed
mrdmd83: but it depresses you if you don't have it
mrdmd83: actually...one sec
SarahRedPrincess: yeah that is true
SarahRedPrincess: but not that i dont have it
SarahRedPrincess: like ill want it to calm down, and then
a get so restless and i crash and that makes me depressed
SarahRedPrincess: its like the restlessness itself causes
the depression
SarahRedPrincess: then the depression causes the
restlessness
SarahRedPrincess: its like a cycle
mrdmd83: yeah
mrdmd83:
http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/withdraw/a/aa030307a.htm
SarahRedPrincess: but i comes and goes at various intervals
SarahRedPrincess: i dont even think its alcoholism
SarahRedPrincess: i think i self medicate with alcohol
mrdmd83: just alcohol withdrawal
SarahRedPrincess: no i have felt like this when we went out
SarahRedPrincess: when we were sober
SarahRedPrincess: you should know that
mrdmd83: oh
mrdmd83: I experienced those things for the last couple of
days
SarahRedPrincess: i was always going nutty i think thats
one thing that drove us a part or made me push away from
you
mrdmd83: yeah
SarahRedPrincess: dont you remember how i was constantly
wanting to go out
mrdmd83: yeah
mrdmd83: lol
SarahRedPrincess: then i would get in moods where i didnt
want to do anything
mrdmd83: u were nutty, lol
SarahRedPrincess: i dont know its just driving me away
from everything and everyone
SarahRedPrincess: i get in moods where i dont want to hang
out with anyone all week
SarahRedPrincess: or even talk on the phone to anyone
mrdmd83: u need to be with family at times likes this. go
see the doc this weekend
SarahRedPrincess: then i get in moods where i want to go
out i feel like i have to
SarahRedPrincess: that usually only lasts like a day or to
SarahRedPrincess: sometimes an hour
SarahRedPrincess: some times its a mixture
SarahRedPrincess: like right now
mrdmd83: u keeping up with school?
mrdmd83: I forget, why did you say u had to drop history?
SarahRedPrincess: i feel like im on a high and i need to
be calmed, i feel like having a beer to calm that, at the
same time i feel like i have all this energy and want to
go out and do something with it, but at the same time, i
just want to sit at home alone
SarahRedPrincess: it was too advanced
SarahRedPrincess: yeah i havent had much to do yet
mrdmd83: duh, I forgot
SarahRedPrincess: uhhh and some times i just get soo
fucking pissed
SarahRedPrincess: it will be over dumb shti
SarahRedPrincess: but it will really really aggravate me
mrdmd83: yeah
SarahRedPrincess: like about dara
mrdmd83: yeah
SarahRedPrincess: i was sooooo aggravated and i had no
reason to be so mad
mrdmd83: yeah, but I understand
SarahRedPrincess: ughhhhh i just feel so nutty right now
SarahRedPrincess: it wont go away
SarahRedPrincess: ive been shaking all day
SarahRedPrincess: like jus aggravated
mrdmd83: beer will only make it worse tomorrow
SarahRedPrincess: its almost as if i feel trapped
SarahRedPrincess: like i need to get out and do something
SarahRedPrincess: you know how i get
SarahRedPrincess: arggggggggggg


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