Just a small bird wanting to fly

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2005-01-27 13:05:43 (UTC)

Same Thing happening again

Last night , i was angry again to my boyfriend.
He was so blunt in replying me.

It happened quite often. As though He is too lazy to
answer my question

As though I am too stupid for his standard.

It really annoy me.. He is so different from the person i
used to know.

I wonder if this will be just the same case to every

Guy only chased you like crazy in the beginning...? Being
nice and all that...

But soon after he got what he wanted.. He just didnt care
anymore about that person? ( He always think that this is
my own assumption )

He told me that he loved me couple of times.. But i just
think that when the "3 words" came out from his mouth..is
just solution to make things right when we fight...

When he said I LOVE YOU at the wrong time, it is really
painful for me.. :(( as though that the word is
meaningless.. he can use it anytime he feels like
conquering me...

Last nite.. i asked if he already had dinner and what he
had? ( this is the same question from him to me all the
time - to check on me.. whether i am eating too much fat )

He replied "As Usual" [email protected]# Full stop

Diary.. How can anyone expect to be satisfied to get such
an answer? Am i suppose to be stupid and pretend to be
patient and ignore his remark..?

He did this kind of remark a lot of times..

My understanding is.. when he is not in the mood.. he will
throw a temper by being quiet... it's really really
throwing me off..

he doesnt understand his attitude really annoying...
although i have told him so many times...

Diary, sometimes i feel i am so stupid to bear all this..
but sometimes i feel that he need someone's love.. and i
should shower him with my love... but will this called
love which based on pitiness?

Sometimes i am confused if i love him truely.. or i love
just becoz i feel pity about him...

This mornign when i sent an angry email.. throwing all my
angers at him... i felt bad afterward... suddenly i missed
him when i talked about him in front of my friend ( my
colleague asked me how i got to know him... )

Diary.. i just hope if it's meant to be.. God will open
the way.. i better go to sleep now... I am so tired after
long hours at work...

I really need someone to love me sincerely deeply..
I am still not sure if he will be the one who can
fulfill this... :(((