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2005-01-26 04:30:30 (UTC)

9 - Harder than I thought

Yeah, it's been a couple days, eh? I have so much to say
that I don't know how to put much of it into words. That's
how I usually fail at these diary things. That and I know
that no one is interested enough to read them on a regular
basis so I figure that most of it is a waste of time. But,
it helps me vent.. Whateva..

I had my 2nd day of work at the new Staples today. So far,
so good. Now, granted, it's not MY Staples. MY Staples
will always be in Kokomo with MY people, MY copy center,
and MY copiers (Donald, Daisy, Huey, Dewey and Louie (I
love you guys!)). The people have been extremely nice so
far. Well, with exception of my sales manager. I was
warned about him. He's a bit out there. My operations
manager seems great. Finally, a female manager. Ya know,
I had my hopes that the girl was gay..... but, of course
not. Married, two kids, building a new house! There are
plenty of gay men to go around, though! I worked Monday
night 1230-930 and loved it. My lead, Ruth, is a little
older woman, very sweet, seems knowledgable. She's no
Michelle, though, and that's really hard for me. I had
told them that I would take any extra hours I could go so
when Ruth called off today they called me in. I worked 830-
400. I stayed over until 5:00 talking with a couple people
in the break room.

Dad shot darts Monday night at Sunset. I went after work
and met Krista up there. She flirted with some guy all
night so I had absolutely no time to talk to her. Figures.

I got to see Jamie twice this week already. Once on my way
home from Denver (I stopped in at the station). Then I
drove by the station last night on my way home from work
and she was just getting out of her car. I called her
tonight and left a message. I'm really going to try and
build this friendship back up to what it has potential of
being. There's no reason not to.

Tonight dad shot out at Leroy's. Generally that would be a
really fun night because he's on a league with a couple of
fun guys. Tonight, though, I just wasn't feelin it. I had
stopped by my grandmas on the way and talked to her for a
bit. I ended up helping her with her bible studies.
(Funny, eh?) All I learned is that David and Goliath WERE
NOT FRIENDS (yeah, didnt know that) and that there's
something in there where some guy with a name of 64 letters
threw people into a fiery furnace for believing in the
wrong god or some shit. Who knows. ANYway. I went from
there out to the bar and on the way there got one of my
major headaches. The world started goin blurry, I couldn't
focus.. I pulled over for a few minutes but it didn't
improve. I didn't want to be alone so I made it the rest
of the way to the bar and found dad. I sat with him and
tried to tell him but he seemed more interested in dinner
and what the guys were saying so I dropped it. I had a bit
to eat, they shot a couple games and I left before it was

I'm home now and really having a rough night (again, I
know.. it's getting old, i'm sorry) My head is still
killing me, I still feel out of it and confused. I tried
to msg Erin so that I could have someone from home to talk
to but she was too busy. Why am I always there for people
and they can't do shit in return?

I miss Heather.
I miss Michelle.

Oh, and since *I* HAVE a conscience - Happy Birthday, Amy
Grogan. It's actually tomorrow but I either a) won't
remember or b) won't care enough to even think that much of
a good wish her way. If my schedule allows, I'm going to
try and have lunch with Shannon on Monday. I hope it works
even if nothing were to ever happen again. I can't get my
hopes up about that one. I know that it would never turn
into anything and, honestly, I don't think I'd want it to.
I don't see her and I ever getting along for any length of
time if we were around each other often. But, she's a
great person to be laying next to. She makes you feel
beautiful, loved, special.. She's just an all around good
person (from what I know) and I hope that we can talk a bit
more often now that I'm in town.

Well, I should have spend this time writing my letter to
Michelle that I've started 4 times. But, instead, I think
I'm going to have a bowl of cereal (my nightly ritual),
read some Harry Potter and go to sleep. 9-6 tomorrow.

Goodnight, Moon