I stab you with hot french fry!
2005-01-25 23:34:12 (UTC)


I am open to hearing other people's beliefs and views and
I usually do accept them unless I see them to be EXTREMELY
beyond logic...or sense. But, I just get so defensive when
any of my beliefs and views are stepped on, made fun of,
mocked, or if people say something about it that opposes
my own view of the matter. I do know other people have
views but I do too and of course they're usually going to
clash at points.
What I did today was stupid. I didn't say a word when
Howard and Dina were talking about religion nor when
Howard made that comment. Its not religion itself that
matters to me. It's God, Jesus, and everything I've ever
learned by teachers, family, and by myself about my faith.
What I should've done was said something, anything, to let
out what I was thinking instead of holding it all in. By
doing that I built up steam and reacted to the situation
in a poor manner. All I had to say was "Can we change the
subject?" or "Howard, please don't say that" and they
probably would have stopped...yet, everything they were
debating/talking about had to do with religion, politics,
and government...so, I don't know about how me asking to
change the subject would've helped. But, anyways, I
should've said whatever I wanted to say and get it out of
my system instead of suppressing it and taking it all out
on Howard. ::sigh::
This whole day it was like a blackhole had formed inside
my heart and any emotion after I left Howard at the stairs
was sucked into oblivion. Yea, for a brief moment I felt
terrible, but then there was nothing but a void and
emptiness. As soon as I received Howard's text message the
blackhole disappeared. Only thing is, I'm still
emotionless...like a part of me still needs repairing. I
don't get what I'm saying right now and whoever may read
this may not either. But, it's what's happening to me
right now and I don't really know what to do about it...