Queen of Hearts

Diary of a Confused Being
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2005-01-25 22:23:50 (UTC)

Starting A Brand New Life 01-25-05

Things are often never what they seem to be. Lol. I guess
I should start by telling you that I am a 21 year old
female recently married two months ago. I have no children
but a desperate hole in my heart to have them. Thats the
stats. Now before I married my husband I had only slept
with one other man. That man at the time was my whole
world. However I was nothing to him. We ruined a friendship
over what I thought was love and he thought was lust. After
that it took a long time to ever trust men again. After two
long years of meaning less relationships, I wouldnt date a
man but three or four times then let him go when things got
serious, I met a man I gave my whole heart too. That man
was and is my husband. Now here is where things get
intrasting, before me and my husband got married there was
this gentleman that I do bussiness with at the hospital. He
is very handsome, sweet, and (big sigh) wonderful. We have
always flirted back and fourth and I guess secretly I have
always had a crush on him. He is such a flirt with me as
well though he brings me special presents and gifts. He
takes extra time with me to talk. Okay like today for
example he came to clinc but the docters were not here. He
stood in the doorway of my office and talked to me for at
least 25-30 min. He also out of all the girls on my floor
brought me special gifts. As we laughed and giggled about
silly things in life, like how him and his wife joke about
her other boyfriend and how I do the same with my husband,
I mentioned that I was looking at another clinc to work at
he stated I dont want you to leave you are the only reason
I come up here. I said no it is because you have business
with my physcians he said no it is to see you, and flirt a
little. I kind of laughed it off and said I bet you say
that to all the girls in all the other Docter offices and
he said no only you. I giggled but deep down I was
flattered. Sometimes I let my mind wander about what I
would do if left on lets say a desserted island with
him................. I cant help it but then I am brought
smack dab into reality and have this awful feeling of
remorse. Is daydreaming really cheating what about flirting
just cause I am married is my sexual hormones supposed to
die for other men. I am so confused Oh well Untill
Tommorow. .............................