My Disturbing Thoughts
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2005-01-24 23:00:42 (UTC)

I try so hard to put my..

I try so hard to put my feelings about him into words
But it is impossible
All my writings are dark
I try to change the way I think
But I don't think that I can
I try to write about how much I love him
How I could never live without him
But it always ends up wrong
Someone dies
Or gets hurt
I hate myself for who I am
Make this stop
I don't like having negative thoughts
I don't like having bad dreams
I feel like I am ruining his life
Lately his eyes have changed
They're not as soft as they used to be
He looks at me as if he is trying so hard not to hate me
I try to make him see that he is not the one for me
But he insists on believing that he can make it work
Maybe he thinks that he can change me
Or he will stop getting so annoyed with me
I just hope that I am the only one that will be hurt in the end
and that his feelings will be spared
I realize that I cannot leave
He might sit around and wonder about what could have been
He has to find for himself that I am doomed to be alone
I don't deserve to have someone as perfect as he is to me
I don't deserve to be happy
And because of that I never will be happy

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