LibraLady

ImIn&Lost
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2005-01-24 19:29:43 (UTC)

New Beginning

THis weekend went pretty well. He told me Friday that he
was happy about the baby. It was just a shock that it
happened so fast. I hope he's telling me the truth because
it was just days ago that he wanted to put having a child
on hold so we could see if we were going to work out. Now I
am more worried about the strain that this might cause. I'm
going to have to stop working full-time in order to take
care of both kids, so that means income is going to
decrease, which could mean more problems between us. Not to
mention the changes I will be going through physically and
mentally because of raging hormones. I just have no idea
what is in store for us. I feel like he don't tell me the
whole truth, like for example, one of the things he said
that was wrong with our relationship is that the sex is
always the same and he don't like it. Ok, I believe that
because I feel the same. So the last two weeks I've been
trying to spice it up some. These are things I normally
don't do not because I don't want to, but because I get
embarrassed. Well he says he likes it, but before the blow
up and we still had the mundane sex, he would tell me he
like it, so what should I believe? I mentioned to him that
if things aren't getting better or one thing is not getting
worked on to let me know. I don't want another blow up to
lead to a separation. He says you know that I'm not like
that. So I think if things are still bad to him that I'll
never know because he won't share his feelings with me. I
really wanted to work on finding something in common so
maybe we could do things more together. I guess that's
going to be hard now being pregnant. I hope this works out
for the best. I wonder all the time what he is really
thinking. We can't even have a good conversation anymore.
He's told me that I can be talking about something and it
just doesn't interest him. Alot of times I get the
impression that he wishes I would shut up. God we've got to
make this work if not for ourselves then for our children.
I want to grow old with him. Please let him want the same.
I think I might try and talk to him about all of this the
next time our daughter spends the night somewhere. It's
just hard to have that one on one with a six year old
running around. All I know is I can't do this on my own and
that I need him very much.


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