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2005-01-23 17:31:02 (UTC)


Why a diary?

Personally, I think they are stupid. Nothing but a waste of
time to record thoughts that probably will never be taken to
heart, let alone read.

However, I have decided to use this as a place to record
thoughts, concidering I have so damn many. And should I
talk about them to others, I find I must "choose my words"
in order not to offend or hurt the other person or people,
even though what I am thinking must be said. This diary, if
you'd like to call is that, isn't about one person or one
experience; its about the different steps of life in
relation to my choices. Because, after all, life is nothing
but a bundle of choices...should I go to school, should I go
to the corcer store now or later, should I watch tv or read
a book, should I stop at the next red light? Depending on
those choices will be an outcome and experience. An outcome
based on the occurances, and an experience to assist you in
your future choices. Everyone has made choices, both good
and bad, and everyone has experiences in result. One thing
I have noticed, though, is that those who care about others
are willing to share their experiences in order to shed
light on the possible outcomes of the other's choices. I
can tell a person the possible outcome, the most logical
outcome, and the most probable outcome of a choice they may
have to take, and yet there are still those who wish to
still take the chance at the fact that all of what I said is
wrong...because after all, it IS possible...but probable?

I was recently presented with a very in-depth choice I had
to make, or rather, I was forced to make...and I did make
it. And from that I have an experience for the future, so
that I hopefully won't have to make the same choice again.
I may not agree with it, but I do stand by it. Why, because
I respect my choice. Respect...now that is another though
on its own.

A friend of mine sent me her blog, and in the latest entry
she made had a single line that really stood out. "Curve
balls, do you take them or dodge them?". What do we have
here? Its another choice. I could take the curve ball, the
odd pitch, the un-familiar road, and drive through the stop
sign as I am late for work, hoping that I won't get
caught...let alone hit someone. Or I can dodge the curve
ball and stop, taking the familiar road, the common path,
making a simple choice that I have both experienced before,
and have been told to me to make by others who care and have
also experienced it. Funny....3am, major snow storm, not a
sole on the road....and I still stop and that stop sign.
Waiting those few seconds for nothing but the snow to cross
my path.

The one thing, if you haven't noticed, that walks hand in
hand with choices...is memory. You'll remember the choice,
remember your decision, and remember the outcome...good or
bad. And there will be times when one will think "If I had
only known..." If I had only known that there was a hold up
at the corner store, I wouldn't have gone. If I had only
known that the other car wasn't going to stop. If I had
only known that there was going to be a huge plane to crash
into my office building......or a huge wall of water to
break upon my house. If I had only known...I would have
chosen otherwise.

I mentioned a plane crashing into a building, I by no means
do I give any dis-respect for those who lost their lives.
But that is another problem with choices. They have a
tendency of affecting those around you.

But to what extent will they affect those around you? Well,
the choice is up to you.

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