Noelle

Yellow Brick Road
2005-01-23 14:37:10 (UTC)

in addition to thanking you guys for the support...

i have realized im completely over swimming boy as well as
jedi.

there is no point anymore.

hans is beautiful, but im not like OHHH MAN LETS GET THE
WEDDING INVITATIONS READY because whatever. i finally got
emailed the schedule for the radio show so i can listen to
that and decide where to go from there.

and im enjoying being single, i really am.

i like staying at home on friday and saturday nights, just
doing whatever the hell i damn well please.

while most of the people we know have lost their
virginity, im here, silent and calm as a nice little
virginal girl who doesnt care.

because really, i have been in physical situations before.
it never went so far as questioning my virginity (like:
WAIT AM I STILL A VIRGIN OR NOT???). i could not just do
anyone. as well as being dissatisfied with my musical
talent (and inevitable lack thereof), i also have body
issues. everyone has body issues, but i really do. so
basically, i cant have sex until im in LOVE. this is a big
step for me. lol. and to be in love, that means some guy
is gonna have to be wayyyyy patient for me. and i dont
know when ill be in love or if im capable of it.

i was talking to swimming boy and a few days ago i sent
him some MP3s of my songs because at our first practice he
hadnt heard me sing because it was more instrumental, and
so im supposing he heard them but he never said anything
about them, so im like OKAY. clearly he doesnt care. so
why should i?

im not like WHY SHOULD I CARE in an angry way or bitter.
im more like, lying in a hammock with a good book in my
hands and a drink coated in sweat beads because of the
contrast between the heat coming in off the ocean and the
icecubes floating like cold squares in my perrier, saying
I COULD CARE LESS, I HAVE MORE IMPORTANT (albeit lazy)
THINGS TO FOCUS ON RIGHT NOW.

plus, if ni is right, i have a fan of some level or degree
in SACB. which made me laugh. literally LOL. laugh out
loud. because im a big fan of his bass playing, and so if
we both have some sort of respect for each other, then its
a good base. no pun intended on the BASS lol. but he is
great at what he does so i only hope i can live up to his
heightened expectations.

and swimming boy is just percussion.

he doesnt really matter.

just kidding, he does.

im thinking i should do something with my life.

hopefully this is it.




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