Diana's Online Diary
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2005-01-23 02:09:13 (UTC)

Snow day

Today it snowed all day.
I think the longer you go without being in love the harder
it is to fall in love again. It's not just something that
happens... it becomes something you seek. The longer you
go the more important it is to find and the more you need
it. More is riding on every relationship you start.
Every date is not just a date. It's a chance of finding
someone who's personality and life fits with your own so
well that you can't imagine how you lived before you met
them. They are your best friend, the person you feel
safest and most comfortable with. The longer you go
without love the more you need it, so when someone comes
along that you really like it is hard to think about
whether or not they are right for you. You just get
exited and want to be with them. Your mind takes a
backseat to your heart which longs to love someone so much
it blinds you. All you feel is the butterlies, and the
longing for someone to hold you makes you want to be with
this person even if your mind knows you may end up getting
hurt. So what is going on here? Do I really want this,
or do I just need attention so bad that I'm seeing
something that isn't there? Or maybe it was there but
isn't anymore. Maybe it's too late to go back but I'm so
anxious to be with someone that I wanna try to force
something that wouldn't work. I can't trust my own
feelings. All I know is that I miss it, want it back, and
can't have it.

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