guailuilui

guailuilu's thoughts
2005-01-22 05:44:59 (UTC)

what am i doing?

yes, thats a good question, but i dun have an answer, i'm
lost in a world of confusion, boredom, and loneliness. i'm
all out there by myself, not knowing where to go and what
to seek. wut should i do with myself today? i dunno, wut
about tomorrow? i dunno. i dun want to do anything. all i
want is to lay down and sleep, maybe napping to get my
tiredness away, i cant believe i want to go to skool! very
badly too, i go online every nite w/ nobody to talk to.
yes there are ppl on my buddy list but i dun feel like
talking to anyone, nobody wants to talk to me either i
guess. less than 2 months ago i had somebody online almost
every min i'm on, even if we dun keep talking we
acknowledge each other's presence. i feel really bad now,
how stupid is that chinese idiom 'cherish what you have
now' and i feel how much it hits me as the one person that
i cherish most just let go of my hand. did i not cherish
it? yes. did i not appreciate him? no. i appreciated it
and i tried my very best to have him appreciate me, but
apparently he's the one who didnt appreciate me. i dunno y
we broke up anymore. there seems to be many reasons,
either that or i've been making a lot of stuff up as i
keep thinking and thinking about how everything could end
up this every nite. i am still crying at nite. i dunno wut
i want to do or what i want to be anymore.i try asking
myself if it is him that i miss, my very very true love or
the relationship that we had. him being my bf. yes i admit
that in the very beginning we started out because i was
happy somebody likes me and i want a bf. but that wasnt
all of it. i really did like him. he was the kind of guy i
like, someone who can cheer me up and a little childish.
as time went on, i still thought he liked me more than i
liked him, or maybe by then it was he loved me more than i
love him. maybe i still think this is so rite now, but he
cant have love me any much if he could even think about
leaving me. so maybe he's not perfect but i'm not either.




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