Charles Deason

My Blue Sky
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2005-01-21 14:30:40 (UTC)

The search is on

I'm still not over a lot of things going on in my
life. Astrid has a new boyfriend already and from what her
email told me, shes getting serious with him. Yeah I know,
my bags of sorrow are just piling up on my heart. I wish I
could just move on like her and let go.... but I can't. And
there is nothing she can do to help me. More than that, I
doubt she even wants to help me.
I'm always scared to come back online, because I'm
afraid she sent me an email, or might IM me. I remember
when the days when I would wait online or call her house
just dying to talk to her, and hear her voice. But for some
reason, all that just hurts me now. I couldn't ask for
anything more than her happiness, even if it means us being
apart. And that to me is what makes a real hero.
I know exaclty what and where I went wrong in the
past. I'm through holding onto those memories that hurt me.
I can live without them, because I've did it before. More
than anything I love being with my friends. The memory from
being in nashville was the best day of my life. Nothing
makes me happier than hanging out with them going places,
or even if its just being in my house playing games, or
cards.
Thats something I would never want to give up.
Although I'm sure that one day we'll each be married and
have jobs and other stuff to do. Yeah, eventually
everything will change unfortunatly, but maybe we can still
keep doing the things we do as friends and not let our each
individual lives bother us too much.
Man thinking of all the good times really makes me
feel better. I'm sure another woman will come into my life
someday, but not anythime soon. I'm through with love and
women. I have to concentrate on my own affairs and
priorites. And when I think of how much time I've lost
because of that... I've got a lot of catching up to do!
Well, another day brings a new beginning to everything.
I'll write again later.


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