pelanors' trials and tribulations
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2005-01-20 07:54:19 (UTC)

Well, tonight was the night. I..

Well, tonight was the night. I offered my services and
they werent needed. I implied so much offer the phone, but
they didnt take the bait. I'm really no good at this whole
game. I can't see myself with someone else, I had a great
thing going and threw it all away. With new found freedom
comes new challenges. School sucks, everyone there is
married. Makes me more depressed. Changing myself for
myself is quite a challenge but one I am willing to step up
to. But for her? I stepped down. How can that be? Being
happy is the answer I would give to anybody who asked me
what I wanted in life. Sure, there are other answers like
money, fame and all that bull. I would give those answers
too, if I was happy. Being happy has many different
scopes. You can be happy rich, happy in love. In one sense
I was happy, happy to be with someone, but once learning
that love was fading for them, I was quickly turned ashore.
Being unhappy for a number of months while trying to figure
things out, I have come to the conclusion that I am neither
happy nor unhappy really. When I think about being alone,
I am alone and I get depressed. But part of me thinks
about being without her happier. Its not true right now,
but maybe in the long run.. I will fade away from her life
and she will meet someone new. I will sit here with my only
friend Bud

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