lost in a stone

Monoga-me? No
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2005-01-19 23:40:37 (UTC)

Been thinking about this...

OK so I have contemplated starting a diary for some time
now, and along comes this online thingy. I am a 41 year
old married (for the second time) male. My wife and I have
tried the monogamy thing, and we have tried the swinging
thing. We have had sex with others together and separately.

Actually, SHE has had a lot more of the "sex with others."
Over the past two years, she has had approximately 30
sexual partners, while I have had sex with only two others
aside from her. Sex has just not been as big a THING for
me as I have gotten older as it is for her. B is 35.

She recently came clean about an affair she had been
having with a guy named Henry. While we were in New
Orleans over the New Year, we decided to take another stab
at making marriage work for us. She decided that she will
give up Henry, and I want to believe her...but still doubt
remains.

She has had five affairs in the last 2 years (on top of
the 30 or so guys that I knew about). What makes those
guys affairs? She did so without my knowledge and she knew
that I would not have approved.

The first two (Tony and Cesar) were before we started
swinging and were guys that she worked with at a previous
company. The next one was the "lust of her life" who we
had a HUGE fight over and she decided to give him up.
Turns out, she ended up seeing him behind my back anyway.
The last two were people who work for the same company
that we work for. This has been strictly taboo and off
limits. She got fired for fucking Cesar when she was with
a previous company. She sucked both his and Tony's cocks
while at work during working hours on an ongoing basis.

So yes she has been "sowing" her wild oats so to speak.
Thats not to say that I havent had my fun. I travel all
over the country and have been meeting young girls (18-23)
online and befriending them under the guise of being a
casting director. I have had the opportunity to take pics
of most of them and complete nudes of some of them. As of
today, I have yet to have sex with any of these
women...but that may change...who knows? I DO like
however, that as far as my marriage is concerned, that I
have the flexibility and the freedom to fuck who I want
when the opportunity arises.

I work hard at doing nothing all day, and I make 61,000 a
year doing it. My job doesnt suck, but my boss Art does.
He is just a mindless little drone. No backbone, no
leadership skills at all.

My desire is to produce a show (and write the accompanying
book) called KS. I have it in my mind that I should be
able to get this done by the end of 2005. Well at least
the writing part. The production part should take another
6 months or so to get underway.

One of the women that I met in Madison, WI is named
Krystle. I totally dug this girl. I think she's an amazing
woman (on top of being OMG beautiful). She had agreed to
help me with KS but I think she may have been scared off.
Dont know exactly what I did to scare her off. One minute
things were great and then the next (like Kaiser Sozeh)
she was gone. I was so inspired by her. I am hopeful that
I can rekindle my friendship with her.

As I write this, my dad is dying of cancer. WE have all
come to grips with the illness, but I know that coming to
grips with his departure at the time of his passing...will
be another issue altogether.

OK well I guess this will have to do for now.


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