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2005-01-19 18:18:37 (UTC)

Realisations.... hard ascension.

I don't know if turning forty alone had anything to do
with it, but I came to realise that I can not attempt to
seduce an othe only because it would not be fair to be with
someone and love another. I know this to be true, were I to
be with someone else right now I would drop them in a
heartbeat should my babygirl, my soul mate, come back into
my life.

This realisation has brought about a certain stability
in my actions, dating but never placing myself in a
position that would compromise my being true both in body
and spirit to my babygirl. I have accepted that no matter
what I do I will not love an other as I love my babygirl.
and so should I ever find someone else... it would be a
relationship that would exclude love... and I don't know
many women of exception that would settle for such a
relationship. Personally I would not settle for it nor do I
expect anyone else to... so I carry my burden with more
serenity. Accepting my fate, hoping I might have the good
fortune of finding my way back into my babygirl's heart.

Granted the ascension of mount everest might appear to
be easier, I fear not the journey nor the do I fear
failiure, but I have to try... my heart has been tattooed
by her love and now I no choice but to follow my heart,
even if it means being alone.

I wrote a poem for my love... let me share it with you

Ode to my love

If my days were untroubled,
And my heart always light.
Would I seek your love,
To be where there is no night?

If I never grew weary
With the weight of my load.
Would I search for your forgiveness,
At the end of the road?

If I never knew heart ache
And never felt pain,
Would I reach for your hand
Hoping for your help and sustain?

If I walked not with sorrow
And lived without loss,
Would my soul seek sweet solace
In the depth of your love?

If all I desired was mine
And lived happily each day,
Would I keep hoping
And earnestly pray?

You send me no word
To exile me from your heart.
And yet I yearn to be heard
To express my unconditional love.

I ask myself this…
And the answer is plain
If my life were all pleasure
And I knew no pain

I’d not seek you so
And need you much less
But you are my soul mate
And without you I am in distress

No one knows you like I do
Nor loves you as plain
As the one before you now
Seeking to journey beyond our pain

I love you Babygirl, I need you,
I yearn to be your fairytale
I yearn to be loved by you,
And live happily ever after

Ours is a love unlike any other,
It is unconditional, it is pure.
Many seek what we have together,
Often never finding that mate

I have been blessed in meeting you
For my mistakes, I beg your forgiveness
I have been cursed in losing you
For our love, I pray for your return

These words are for you and only you
I have never felt such a love for another
Please forgive me, I can’t stop loving you
I hope you find it in your heart to love me again

I love you Babygirl!

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