not so profound

not so profound
Ad 0:
2005-01-19 07:10:04 (UTC)


well it looks like i am going to be moving out of this
place tomorrow. Dan talked to his parents, and they don't
approve. no one does. but no one approved of romeo and
juliet. maybe that was a bad expample, depends on how you
look at it i guess, depends on what the goal is. my goal
is to stay sober, to survive, and love dan in the process.
i know we can do this. it does look so wrong from the
outside in, but if anyone could feel what it feels like to
be inside, they would't question. not for a moment would
they questtion our actions. we look like crazy kids, but
this isn't like every other impulsive thing i have done.
i'm not doing this from the adrenaline rush, or for the
chaos. i am doing this for my survival, sobriety, and
love. for the past two years all my decisions were based
on fear, impulse, and to create chaos, or out of pure
manipulation to get what i want. that is the only thing
that catches me.....this is what i want to do, and in this
program to stay sober we need to do things we don't want
to do. but that cannot mean that everything we want to do
we shouldn't or can't do... i understand the concern, but
i really feel we can do this i know we can. i've never
felt so right about someone before. if it weren't for
everyone giving me their opinions on what we should do, i
wouldn't even question this, it feels that right, my
intuitive side tells me so. my sensing, tells me be
careful, my feeling tells me I love him, my thinking tells
me i'm a little crazy... but i've always been a little
crazy and god knows i'm not how i used to be. i have to go
to be i am so fucking tired. goodnight, god be with
me...and you too!