Sillygurl-amberlina

Hope, Love, Faith
2005-01-18 22:29:37 (UTC)

I miss you.

I guess I've moved on to stage 3. I don't really have
much of a choice. I didn't think it would come this soon,
but it did.
This morning someone told me that you looked tired or
sad. This person didn't know about the break-up and I had
to tell him about it and that I didn't know why you were
either tired or sad. He was probably one of the only
people that was shocked by the news.
After my first class I was hoping I wouldn't see you. No
offense, but it's hard to see you and not be able to
think "yeah, he's mine." I have to make myself
think "he's NOT mine anymore," and that's a hard concept
to grasp. I saw you after first hour. Seeing you wasn't
too bad. You weren't talking to your friends like you
usually are. You were kind of behind them, looking at the
ground. In a weird way, I was glad. I hate seeing you
sad or whatever you were, but I didn't know if I could
bear seeing you ...happy, I guess. So, I just walked like
I normally would...gossiping with my friends and fighting
off the cold. For some reason, I turned back to look at
you again. I have no idea why, and I really wish I
wouldn't have.
When I turned around I was overcome with a heart-wrenching
feeling. I knew it was going to happen someday, but I
didn't expect it to be today. I turn around and what do I
see? Nothing other than YOU hugging HER. The slut I've
hated since the day we started going out. It was like one
of those wrecks you see on the street, where you
desperatly want to turn your head away, but you can't.
Why did I have to look back? I could have just kept
walking. This morning when I got up I had my mind set on
being "so over you." Then, this morning I heard you
weren't acting like your normal self. I couldn't be "so
over you" when there was a chance you weren't "so over"
me. Obviously, you are.

I'm confused with my feelings. Part of me is so upset. I
did all I could do to not cry while walking to my next
class and throughout the rest of the day. If it weren't
for my friends, I probably would have. Part of me is
pissed off. I know I don't have a reason to be pissed.
You aren't mine, you have the right to hug or do whatever
you want with who the hell ever you want...but already?
No...break? I hope she was the one that wanted the hug.
I hope she was the one that went for it. Because, if
you're the one that instigated the hug, you're not who I
thought you were.




Ad: