DayDream Believer
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2005-01-18 17:04:48 (UTC)

About sensation

Sensation and percetion is verry important in psycology.
The sensation Im writing about here is not exactly the
same, but kind of, if you mix this sensation with looking
into the future you get it.
I used to sese boys I like (like have a cruch on or are in
love with) and I stil sense them, but I dont sense Tommy
that way. Like for example when I was writing messages with
Chris late at nigh,and he didnt answer one or said he would
call later. I sensed that it would take a loong time and
therefore decided to go to sleep not sitting up and wait.
Or I woke up at night and looked on my phone, it was dark,
then while I was looking the light got on and S* called me.
(oh I just love, love, love that feeling he used to give me)
I can sende Miguel driving by me when Im on a buss, look
out and see his car. All these boys, I sense them in a way,
I do not think I can look into the future, and sometimes I
get a suprise, like Chris sending me a message and Im like
wow, he though of me, I cant belive that. Cause I sense
that he allmost never think of me. (and Im so, so , so
carzy about him at the moment)Why can I sense these boys to
some extend, but not Tommy. I never sense him. He sometime
suprise me totaly. Sometimes I know what he up to, like he
might be early from that or this, but thats not because I
sense him, its because I know him so weel by now.

When it comes to Chris, well what can I say. Nothings
changed. I belive last time we spoke was when I sendt him a
happy birthday message and se responded to it. His birthday
was the first of october. Nothing for christmas, nothing
for new year. Its a bad sign, issnt it??
I sense that we`re getting in touch agen. But I belive its
me taking the first step, I can not wait untill he does. Im
planning at march if I stil got this huge urge to be in his
life. And to make it less stressfull and secret and hiding
for me, Im not hiding it from Tommy, I think. I dont wanna
write about Tommy right now, but we have done some talking
and I think we`re ok now. I tell more later.
Now Im alone watching pictures of Chris. And Im in the chat
group hes normally in, but he is not. Usallu he`s logged on
all the time, but not there all the time, but now hes not
even logged on. Watching pictures of him does not exactly
help, I miss him. Just so you can se I addmitted him, I
miss him like crazy, and it has probobly made me crazy.

So my plan is beeing on the chat as ofthen as possible,
hoping he`ll be there see me and say something else than
just my name. If not, I contact him later, not one of these
days, but when Im more settled.
Im supose to find my own appartmet, and Im not good at
that. Im picy, I want a nice home.


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