rachel

my life
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2005-01-18 14:00:04 (UTC)

WHY

Why did this have to happen to me right now i have just
had to go for a test on my boob and it dose not look to
good and now ray has left me :( it is so hard now he was
the best thing that has ever happend to me and now it is
all gone just like that and now all i have is ashleigh to
keep me going i know she will but right now i need ray
hear when i was with ashleighs dad it was so good to be
loved and to love someone and when i was with ray i had
the same feeling i love him so much and i will forever he
was so good with ashleigh and now i have lost it all i sit
hear now and think to my self what i did wrong did i say
anything or did i do anything wrong i would like to know
but he shuts me out he will stop talking to me and i hated
that because when something is wrong he should talk to me
but NO i am siting hear thinking WHY why did this have to
happen to me but it has and now i have to try my best to
stay together for ash i dont want to do anything silly
that will hurt ash i just dont know what to say now i just
do not understand i am smoking so much i was talking to
linda befor and she said that you dont have to live
together to be together and i know that but it still going
to be so hard with out him afound hear no one AGAIN to go
to sleep next to no one to hold when i am upset no one to
kiss in the morning no one to talk to when i am going to
sleep i am on the phone to him no and i am so upset i want
hm hear with me right now ok the time is 11.30pm and i
went and got ray so he is goint to stay hear for the
noight be he told me he is going to move up to the farm
with daniel on friday so that must mean that it is really
over:( what will i do with out him hear well the time now
is 12.40 and he said he is going to go soon i love him so
much i do not want him to go i look at hime now and i see
how happy was and i am stil happy now even know we are
not together he is saying all this nasty stuff like he was
going to marry me for the fun of it it hurts so much i
know i have been drinking but it hurts so much i have been
crying but he dose not care (rach i do love you but we
cant
live together because of my own personal reasons ok so can
we)THAT IS FROM RAY
i dont know why he did that but he did i dont know if he
is playing with my head or he is for real well i am going
to get going now so i will write in hear a little bit
latter bye for now


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