not so profound

not so profound
2005-01-18 06:11:01 (UTC)

Stuck in the Corner

I'm stuck it the corner, where do i go? What the hell do i
do now? so many questions, not concrete answers. These are
suppost to be the best years of my life... Carefree, easy,
i don't want to be an adult yet. i wish i never would have
turned 17, 18 sucks, being an adult isn't all it is
cracked up to be, or is it? I get to do what i want when i
want how i want. but i don't get everything i want, i
don't even get what i need sometimes, i have to earn it.
There's no such thing as a free lunch... I have to take an
inventory on this whole situation:

sObEr HoUsE vS. LiViNg W/ dAn

people taking my inventory freedom
being held me accountable dan holding me accountable
free internet no cerfew
free phone no housemeetings
nice furniture ultimately independence
nicely decorated my own decorations!
housemeetings can have people over
people eating my food privacy
super PMS no sneakiness/dishonesty
chance of getting kicked out running'my program(my will)
lies, manupulation easier to relapse
skewed independence less guilt (no lies)
free advice (wanted or not) dont have to sell car
chore fines more time with dan
resentments built too much time with dan?
Chaos against "AA" shit
restriction from dan feels right
shows willingness dependence on dan?
feels wrong opportunity for growth
restricted growth

OK thats enough about that shit, if it were all up to me i
would move in with dan. I've never felt so right about
someone before, and like he said, if this is wrong, i
don't want to be right....no one is going to agree that
this is a good decision, but, if i could plan my future,
and choose it and garuntee that it would be how i chose it
i would choose to be with Dan forever. I hope i am not
crazy, i don't think i am, all i can do is pray. this is
between god, dan, and i, no one else. but god speaks
through others. this is a HUGE decision. i love you dan.
call me tomorrow. goodnight


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