Crazy in Blue

Singing In the Rain or A downpouring
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2005-01-18 05:47:30 (UTC)

It Don't Have to Change . . . .

THAT IS HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS WHOLE ROMMEL SITUATION. I
DON'T WANT IT TO CHANGE, BUT IT IS, AND I CAN'T DO
ANYTHING ABOUT IT. I FEEL LOST, AND FOR ONCE IT'S NOT
NECESSARILY BECAUSE OF HIM. IT'S BECASUE I HAVE HELD ON
TO THIS FANTASY FOR SUCH A LONG TIME. I HAVE LIVED WITH
IT, AND LET IT CONSUME ME, AND THE TRUTH IS THAT IT WAS
REALLY JUST A FANTASY.

NOT IN THE SINCE THAT I MADE HIM UP, BUT IN THE SENSE THAT
ALL THE FEELINGS WERE BASED ON AN EXAGGERATION THAT WE
BOTH NEEDED AT ONE TIME. AND AS MUCH AS I WANT HIM TO
STILL NEED THOSE FEELINGS, OR STILL NEED ME TO FILL A
VOID, HE HAS MOVED ON. AND IT REALLY IS TIME FOR ME TO
MOVE ON.

SO I GUESS THAT IS REALLY WHY I AM LOST, BECAUSE I DON'T
KNOW HOW TO MOVE ON. I WENT FROM BRETT, TO DANNY, TO
SANTOS, TO ROMMEL, AND I HAVE BEEN STUCK ON ROMMEL FOR
LIKE 4 YEARS. THAT IS A LONG TIME TO BE DEDICATED TO AN
IDEAL, OR A PERSON, YA KNOW.

AND WHAT IF I MOVE ON, AND HE IS NOT A PART OF MY LIFE.
BETTER YET, WHAT IF HE MOVES ON AND I AM NOT A PART OF
HIS. I CAN'T KEEP HOPING THAT ONE DAY HE IS GOING OT LOOK
UP AT ME, AND REALIZE WHAT HE IS MISSING. PLUS, UMMMMM
HE CAN'T REALLY LOOK AT ME, BECAUSE UMMMMM HE'S NEVER SEEN
ME. THIS WHOLE RELATIONSHIP IS BASED ON ONE BIG ASS LIE,
THAT JUST LASTED A LONG ASS TIME, YA KNOW.

WELL, AT THE END OF THE DAY, I LASTED 4-5 MONTHS WITHOUT
HIM. I DID IT ON OWN . . . AND I THINK I WILL BE ABLE TO
DO IT AGAIN!


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