FloydianSlip

Going Postal
2005-01-18 03:47:32 (UTC)

The inevitable

The Duke came in last night and said he had heard from
Heather. He gave me her number so I'm just waiting on the
inevitable. I know that eventually she'll get my cell
phone number so now it's just a matter of who makes the
first move because it's inevitable.

I still love her and always will...goddamnit. She was the
closest thing I ever had to a sister...joined at the hip
for many years, our lives comparable even down to the small
details.

The news was that of great happiness and great sorrow at
the same time. She is bitter and angry and
depressed...impossible the last time I saw her. It's
heartbreaking. Her soul is tortured. Where is my sister?
I think she died. I think they killed her. He was just
the one to stab the final time.

I know that she will ask the inevitable - the visit, and I
can not refuse. I'm afraid to look into the mirror, into
the abyss, and see myself. I am the next in line and the
sole survivor thus far. I am paving my own road and it
isn't easy.

So what will become of Vanessa? I have fought long and
hard on this road alone and succeeded so far. Now I have
Jeremy, a plan, and a dream - and oh is it worth it! The
waiting, the struggle is the hardest part...fighting to
stay alive.

I'm both excited and dreading it both equally at the same
time. I don't know if I can control myself. I hope Greg's
grown up since the last time I saw him otherwise I have a
feeling he's either going to be hearing about it from me or
I'm going to give him a good swift kick where it counts
because I'm older and wiser and don't put up with that
bullshit anymore. Whatever. She chose to marry that
piece of shit even though she was on her own for a year and
was doing just fine. Matters of the heart are complicated,
aren't they? She loves him and I'll never understand why.

To call or not to call...that is the question. I didn't
even have this much trouble deciding if I should give my
number to Jeremy or if I should call him or meet him...it
was always a definite yes, no questions asked.

Me and her have drifted apart and that's not the way it was
supposed to be. She too abandoned me - the one person who
always said that they'd be there. I understand. You did
what you had to do. I don't think I can lose her a third
time...all is not copacetic...far from it.




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