marie aka mississippi

Jersey Native
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2005-01-18 01:45:54 (UTC)

Confessions

Aight a lot has been happenin' to me lately...but its like
I been scared to write it down. But I am now...cuz I'm
only gon give this name to my best friend an my girl.
So..whats to be scared of now rii??!! Chea..I said the
same. Okay...well 1st off...I have good news...!!! Today
my motha tol me she been thinkin' of packin' up an goin'
bacc to AZ...so I guess the dream I had last night wasn't
bullshit! I was hella happy. Okay so she tol me...the only
reason we moved to A.Z in the 1st place was cuz of me..I
wanted to move w/ my pops. And yes...thats true. 3 years
ago in June... I was so ready to leave S.Jersey an go to
A.Z to live w/ my daddy. Cuz I loved that man sooo much,
(neva knew him outside of the 20min convo's wen he was in
Germany)...so we he got bacc to the states I wanted to
live w/ him. So my motha broke up w/ her man...an said ok
lets go...my daddy came from A.Z to move us there w/ him.
And my bro soon came after cuz at tha time he was enrolled
@ Rutgers Univ!! My family was basically starting
ova...aight so yeah we get there an almost immediatly I
figured out that I aint like him. Cuz for one I aint kno
him besides the memories from years ago @ Ft. Knox Ya'll I
moved from Ft. Knox...wen I was 9yrs!! So...I aint like
him in A.Z...an I dun like him now. We dun talk outside of
gen convo...Ps2...an sports (football)!! We get into it a
lot..actually everyday...but its neva real bad...less my
mom is in it. Like...they argue...I dun let him talk shit
to her. I always jump in it!! Today my mom tol me that a
long time ago he hit her w/ a car an she rolled into a
ditch...he broke her wrist...an used to force sex w/ her.
She tol me that SHE KNOWS if I ever witness him doin'
anything as little as makin' her cry...I would kill him in
his sleep...I looked at my motha w/ tears in my eyes an
tol her...I'd wake him first. I tol her today...mom lets
juss leave plz...I'm ready to go I was ready a long time
ago. An she said...I kno Muff we will...I said before I'm
18?? She said...yes an she pinky promised me. I tol her
soon as I get a job an enuff to leave an start our lives
ova we'd leave...an she agreed. She tol me its sounds
easier than done but I tol her like it is I said...my
neither of us are happy...an the two of us can make it
happen, cuz we all we eva had so we all we need forreal.
She said...ok get a job an we'll do it. She said... um I
guess we can get a lil apt. collect on child support...u
can get a job out there an I can get my old job bacc or
even a new one. I was sooo crunk ya'll...!! But...I really
dun trust myself...to be able to keep my head...if my
father eva hurts my mom or does anthing to her!!! It would
juss be ({{ OV }}}) for him lolz. Yeah so yeah...then my
mom an I talked bout the beautiful sun set in the desert
we miss........sooo damn much!!*tear*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~N3xt~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My bestfriend...lost her purity...an I was pissed...neva
had a real convo since!! Maybe ur wonderin' why...truth
is...I was mad. Not jealous...but angry type mad or
disappointed. An I been readin' her diary learnin' more
~n~ more how this "Jarvis" dude been makin' her feel. The
thing w/ me...is that no one will eva be enuff for my
b/f...maybe me *cheese* Ya'll...I had the biggest crush on
her...for the longest time...an we kinda called ourselvs
datin' once lolz...an we kissed the day I left to
M.S...once wen I wen home for Thanks Givin'...but she aint
gay...thats why they so special. Point is...she found
happiness an I'm tryin' to accept it...its soo hard she or
no one else has no idea an thats real. I will give him a
chance...if I like him (wen she lets us talk). Cuz she
gave JAzz a chance...an otha girls!! This may not be a big
thing to her but it is too me :- / I'm sorry I really am
an I hope u can see where I'm commin' from. I love u
D*Stowe...datz why I'm bout to tell u bout this girl...not
juss any girl...my girl :) READ ON NEGRO....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Next~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Miya...is her name she's wonderful. Makes ya b/f sooo damn
happy!! I wasn't gon tell u bout her, but I really like
her she aint like Roxanne or Danielle or Michele no drama
like JAzz an she loves me like Miesha did. She's the
person I had tha convo w/ about freddy...Dstowe...this
girl is incredible...Wed. will make a month that we been
together. I neva thought I'd get ova JAzz no matta how
many girls I talked to...even u knew that. I was hooked
lika damn fish...that no one could take off. But Miya
did...how? Hell iono...she laffs at my jokes lolz...she's
like my lover an friend. She listens to me...an of all the
girls that are damn in love w/ me...for the 1st time I'm
in love w/ Miya juss as much as she's in love w/ me. So I
tol Michele, Miesha, Danielle I was threw w/ them...I was
sry an I had to live my life. I even tol JAzz...it was
sooo crazy I aint kno she cared sooo much but on somn real
I tol her it was too late. U kno I trotted behind her ass
for 7 months...for wha?? Nothing!! Wen Miya tol me she
wanted to love me I tol her my heart was all fuked up from
JAzz...an she said she'd fix it. So I said if u can mend
it u can have it. Its a process...but D*Stowe its
workin'...I'm happy doo wop. WEll u juss read bout the 3
most important ppl in my life in that order...goodnight.

I'm gone
H41 (happy 4 once)
Ch3vi


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