Charles Deason

My Blue Sky
2005-01-17 17:11:52 (UTC)

Only Time, and God can help me now....

Time is my only cure right now. Tommorow is Astrids'
birthday... The one day I would have met her in person. I'm
completely broke except for my lifes savings. I cannot get
her a gift. I will someday though. And I may call her
tommorrow as well. Things between us have not got much
better. She got mad at me again this time for lying to her
that I told her that I wasn't going until the last minute.
She called me a coward. But I don't care what she
thinks of me anymore... well, I mean I do in a way. Diamond
and I broke up two weeks ago sadly... I gave my virginity
to her as well. We really hurt each other though. I broke
up with her the very next day after I got back from her
house. We both cried so much about it, and we're still
hurting. Why did I decide to end our relationship? Its
because I couldn't let go of my damn past. Because I don't
know who I am anymore... I no longer have the dream I had
before my world came crashing down.
I cannot simply cover up my pain with sharing heart
again with another girl. Diamond still has feelings for me
however. We still talk and are always close friends. I love
her very much for understanding what I really feel. As for
Astrid, she and I do not speak to each other too often any
more. Shes' a wonderful girl... she just lost her faith in
me, and so I lost faith within myself. And thats how things
are now... Other than whats going on in my life, its very
cold outside.
My family is doing alright. Rowdy died last week, it
was very sad and hard to let go of him. I've been trying to
enjoy life with my friends lately. It helps a lot having
them with me. As hard as it is for me, I'm still hanging on
to what I do have left in my heart. I'm really hanging onto
Jesus so much in my prayers and day to day life now. When
I'm all alone and have no one around to talk to, I've got
him. He's always there with me... and I'm sure grandfather
is too, and my great grandmother. well... I'll write in
this again someday...hopefully this will start getting a
bit less depressing. bye


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