LibraLady

ImIn&Lost
2005-01-17 15:51:19 (UTC)

I Can Breathe

Ok....I think things are ok. He decided to talk friday
after he got off work. He says he needs things to change,
and in a way I agree. He wants are additudes, affection,
and jealousy to change. We both can have a bad additude
towards each other, and I get mad about stupid things so
that don't help. I just hope he can come home in a good
mood after work. Most of the time that is how it starts and
my mood gets ruined because of his. I guess if I point out
to him that he is being mean towards me instead of getting
mad maybe he will see what he's doing and control it. Our
level of affection has never been good. I have always tried
to show my affection to him, but most of the time I get
pushed away or a comment that upsets me. He wants that to
change and I noticed that he's trying. He also mentioned
that he don't like what goes on in the bedroom. That kinda
shocked me because I ask him alot if he enjoyed it and he
always says yes. Unless he says that so it won't hurt my
feelings. He wants it to be more interesting, I do too.
Which we worked on that this weekend. I won't go into
details, but I think I pleased him better and I pleased
myself better...lol. As far as jealously goes, it's hard
when I know that he talks to women online. He tells me that
they are married and are just looking for someone to talk
to, and that the reason why it's women is because it is
awkard talking to men because it's believe men
commutication online to each other are gay. I can see that.
But he has to understand that women tell lies and they
might see more to it then him. I just have to trust him and
hope that he tells me the truth about what goes on. He
doesn't try and hide what is dicussed, most the time he
will start talking about it without me even asking. So I
guess things are better. I wished it had never gotten to
this stage, but nothing I can do about that now. I just
have to pray that things will get better. I hope he is as
committed to this as I am. I will do almost anything to
make my marriage work. I worry that it's to late or that
maybe he has fallen out of love with me and he's fooling
himself to believe. I think that there is a difference in
loving someone and being in love. I hope it's both for him,
because it is for me. I will do my best to be happy, Lord
knows I have alot to be happy about so I should let it
show. So now I can breathe and just be happy.




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