Obliterated Soul

Life of Non-Dependency
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2005-01-17 08:42:26 (UTC)

Torn Emotions

Sometimes I dont understand why people can do such things
to others. Hurt there feelings and the very souls by mere
words or actions. Its so hard to be human, harder then
anything else if you ask me. Its time for me to change,
time for me to find myself. I lost any sight of who I am
or even who I could be. Inner peace seems so hard in the
world of a teenager. Perhaps its impossible to understand
the core meaning of all that lingers in the minds of a
single generation. I care for a girl, and im affriad that
becuase of past people in her life can keep her from
loving. I was in love once, a grand feeling, a feeling I
could never explain and even when I thought I could it
would have been deluded by the love. But now that I'm not
I dont even think I can comprehend, but i'd like to. She'll
only give me a glimpse of herself, I wonder if perhaps Ive
even touched, even seen her soul. I'd like to cherish her,
hold her in my my arms and call her my girl, shes so
awesome. It makes me sad when she won't trust me, how can
i care for someone on a higher level without trust. But
thats not her fault nor mine. Circumstances in life dont
create a person, but they certainly influence how they
feel. At the same time, im trying to recover from a drug
dependecy and gather my life. I dont want her to think i
dont want to be with her but I cant begin to love someone
when i dont even fully love myself, or should i say love
who ive become. I hate who ive become but me still exists
in a deep dark place in my soul, id like to bring him back
into existence, hes a really great guy. Its not every day
you find a person thats
smart, beautiful, kind yet remorseless, works, has morals,
dosent live her life by the book and hasnt been beat up by
society, like ive been. I see such strength in her, I
wodner fi she see it also. The mystery in her
eyes strikes my never ending curiousty to hold her, but i
wonder if she even knows her, maybe were both in the same
boat. I'm scared though that who Ive become will get bored
and tired with trying to care for someone who wont trust me
and open up to me, communication is a must. I dont care
about her past or what shes done that she might feel regret
towards i just want her talk to, spill to me how she feels
about me, herself, and her life, id like to help, offer
what guidance I have and give her strength anyway i can.
Hopefully someday soon
that can come true, because i dont want to not feel these
feelings for her, i only want them to strengthen, I want to
love again, and i wouldnt mind at all if that love a feel
is for her. Someone, something, please give me strength.