cannon bombshell

troubled life of mine
2005-01-17 05:01:54 (UTC)

weekend of fear and hell

this weekend i spent at the hospital my one year old son
had a fever and siezures friday and we just got home about
three hours ago. i was the scaredest i think i have ever
been in my whole life. my husband was no help he left me
up there with my sick child and my four month old son not
because he had to. he did it because he is selfish and
wanted to go fishing! how in hell could he want to be at
the ocean when our son is having siezures and was in and
out of awareness? not that i can get an answer from him.
since i came home he has not even said two words to me and
when i talked to him he just walked away and went to bed.
tonight i packed his lunch for work and instead of a note
saying i love you i wrote a letter of how much he hurt me
this weekend. i told him that i love him and all but i had
to say what i felt. i am sure he loves the kids and me but
he has an odd way of showing it. i talked to his mom about
what happened and she told me to be happy he still comes
home at night... wtf does that mean. she said that i
should be greatful he is there and that he doesnt hit me
everyday like so many other people go through....if only
she knew how many times he does hit me....the more i say
around here the odder things get..i am going through self
evaluting on my life and and so far i have realized that i
dont need him to take care of me and if he wants to
continue hitting me on ocasion and avoiding me and the
kids then i dont want him.... family should not feel this
way. our sex life has been on the rocks almost non
exsistent and that is ok too. who wants sex without love
anyway...i let him know all of this in the letter i look
forward to either a conversation with him or a fight
tomarrow.. whatever life throws at me i am just gonna have
to deal with it as it comes. but i gotta get to sleep 6am
comes all to early.




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