jdc

JDC
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2005-01-17 04:40:05 (UTC)

Saturday Jan 15 2005 KT

Well, after a few years of interest in KT, I finally
got up the nerve to ask her out. She said no thanks. I
found out she is the mother of two and not just 1, she has
a daughter and a son. You think I would have known this.
She is divorced. She had her daughter then her husband left
her, they got back together and had a son, he left again and
is now living with his girlfriend.
She explained to me she does not date or at least not me.
She seems to understand she has had her chance and the
important thing at this moment in her life is her kids. She
said it is complicated having to take her kids to see there
dad. I am sure it is hard on her having to see or know her
ex has chosen another person to her. I feel bad for Kristie
and it made me look at myself. KT is an adult and is
doing what is best for her kids. I am more impressed with
her now. I don't know if I wanted to take on the
responsibility of two kids, maybe that is why I didn't feel
so bad. If we were to build a relationship, it would
definately have to be me and her only for a long time. It
would not be fair to involve her kids. I think it would not
be fair to take her from her kids even to date. It would be
a quandry. I thank it would be selfish on our parts.
Relationships are great, I have realized how important
communicating feelings is. I don't think I could do this
with another guy.
I wish I could be friends to KT but I don't know her
that well. We have talked about our eyes, both have had
LASIK recently. We have really connected in this area. It
has been great. I loved talking to her, and seeing her face
light up when we could relate to our experiences on LASIK.
It is great communicating with someone, and sharing common
experiences.

I fantasy about sex, but more about relationships. I have
realized why I loved being married. It was my first and
only true close relationship where I was able to confide in
someone,Christy. I have realized how much I need that, I
guess everyone does. I think this is why I love to talk
with Christy and hear her voice. Although I am happy to
have moved on, I still love Christy very much. I hate the
fact I have hurt her. She did nothing wrong. She was
herself from the beginning. I could not have asked for a
more loving wife. Christy deserved better. I had to be
selfish. I do not want to be in a relationship if I am not
in love with someone. Maybe I am a dreamer, maybe I believe
in TV or movie love. I keep thinking everything will
workout in the end. It will come to a happy ending.


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