Nick's Journal
2005-01-17 02:02:27 (UTC)

You want a catharsis? I'll give you a catharsis!

the girl i share an office with talks about anything and
everything. she has a pretty horrible life. like so many i
know she is in a relationship that involves trivial tidbits
of affection and a barrage of selfish egotism. she eats
everything offered to her and she assumes everything is a
right and not a privilege. she leads a life of sadness,
because she believes that she is entitled to a life of
she's not gonna make it into law school, because, the LSAT
is not handed to you. your past gpa matters a hell of a
lot, and let's face it....people's skills is just another
word for stupid.
if you have ever heard someone say, "i don't know how i got
this job, really, i guess i just have people skills. yuck
yuck yuck." you'll have found someone who isn't worth a
fucking cent. they have no talent. people skills means
that you are incredible at telling people what they want to
hear, so you will slide into every niche on the grease of
brown-nosing; but just as easily you will shrivel away as
real skill is needed.
this girl is the same. she has, "people-skills", she really
is quite nice. she talks non-stop just so that you know
that she has nothing to hide. she can chat up a storm about
her boyfriend but she can't face the truth of her own sorry
state-of-affairs. don't talk about anything real to her,
she's gonna freak.
here's a convo i had wiht her at 5:30 pm on a friday, (she's
"i'm booooooooored, i want to go home."
"no i don't, i don't want to have to deal with my boyfriend."
"no, i don't either."
"yeah, you know what i mean? i mean i know you've been with
your girlfriend for like, what? 3 years? wow! that's so
cool, but like, he's so egotistical."
"do you ever talk with him?"
"all the time!"
"you talk to me non-stop, you should just date me."
"hehe, now, i should you know, you're not so egotistical."
that's her buzz-word for her b/f. and i am very egotistical.
"i'm egotistical."
"no you're not!"
"shut up and listen to me!"
"ha, um. that's just me acting egotistical."
"oh hehe, see you're not good at it at all! i figured you
out right away!"
"you do have people skills."
"i am good with people, but i've been through a lot, my
grandfather died last month."
"my grandfather died 4 months ago. i gave up a job in a new
york law firm so i could see him before he died this fall,
during the summer. a year before my dog died, the summer
before my great-grandmother died who got in trouble with the
nazis for buying fruits and vegetables for jews. guess
which one i cried 3 hours for?"
"ummmm. heh, ummm, what? ummm, ummm, great? umm
grandfather? both? hehe, all?"
"my dog."
"what? oh, wow, no i can so see that i mean my cat died and
i just broke down."
"i didn't shed a tear for my great-grandmother or my
grandfather. do you know why?"
"ummm, wow! 5:45!"
"because i'm egotistical. of those 3 only my dog made me
feel like i was the king of the world. he always came to
me, and adored me, the others couldn't show me that affection."
she's chewing on her lip as she realizes that she wants out
so badly it's not even right. her people skills were
breaking down and her noxious smile couldn't win someone
over. she was actually listening to something that wasn't
just platonic.
"well, i'm gonna head out early, teehee, have a great weekend!"
she has no idea what type of conversations await her.