Nick's Journal
2005-01-15 18:32:57 (UTC)

Why I shouldn't ride the metro drunk

so there i am sitting on the metro in an alcoholic haze
after having chilled with my coworkers. in front of me this
black guy is reading a book and i notice the insignia of
capitol hill guard, so i guess he's the guy who stands
around out there and keeps planes from flying into the
building. i notice he's reading a book that has the outline
of the united states drawn on the cover, the outline is
covered in blood and the title says "100 lynchings". well
you can just guess what it was about. the guy looked like
dmx only a hell of a lot more pissed off. i watched him for
a whiel until i saw this other big black guy come towards
him. he grabs his attention and shows him the book that
he's reading, it's entitled:
"generations of captivity" guess what that one was about.
so there the two of them are talking right in front of me
about how these books of hate are the very core of their
racial identity.
there i am like a fucking drunk moron that i am shaking my
head as i listen to these two idiots spout constant lines of
bigotry (yes black people are capable of that too). finally
the older black guy turns towards me and says,
"what you don't believe this?"
and of course being drunk i say,
"you said that it teaches you something about yourself but
all you've been saying is how it explains why white people
view you in a certain way."
so he stops and stares and dmx to my left looks like he's
about to have his eyes pop out of his head.
"well," continues the older guy, "we as a race are burdened
by how we view ourselves to be portrayed to others. we
constantly feel that we are expected to underperform and we
are also afraid that we will be taken advantage of because
of our past. once we realize that these insecurities are
just remnants of a time of injustice we will finally go on
to accept the opportunity that awaits us in the present."
wow. he could talk. i just basically nodded for the rest
of the time, as dmx started with,
"yeah, man i know exactly how you feel. like i'm working
with these two guys and they always in duh boof and i gotta
stand out in the cold and they always tellin' me to do shit
like i'm dumb or somethin'. i can't stand how they GIVE me
orders, they don't ever just communicate nothin'.
everything is always an order and they feel that they have
to always supervise me even though they aren't any higher up
than i am."
so i can definetly see how such a horrible stigma lowers a
person's self esteem and it's so shitty because the person
that you are doesn't even really matter because you are
classified in a certain way and then what's worse is that
you start fulfilling stereotypes just because you want to
break free. so you don't want to take someones orders
because you know they do it just because they view you in a
certain way and in turn you become exactly what they expect.
well anyways, from now on i don't think i'm going to hang
on the metro anymore after drinking. although i have to say
i did learn soemthing. maybe i should just drink all the
time so that i start talking to people, because a lot of
them are really interesting.