Talking about Whatever
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2005-01-15 06:43:11 (UTC)

I'm retarded

Oh my God! I'm so loving going to work now. It's really
strange, because I hate working. It's mostly because of a
certain guy, but that's not the only reason. I've got a
couple cool new friends.
There's this guy at work that is the nicest guy I've met
in a really long time. I'm totally into his personality. I
love it. He's completely sweet and says the nicest things
to me and even gives me chills once in a while with things
he does. And I don't get stuff like that. I'm an
independant woman. I don't usually get into guys like
that. The strangest thing is that, he's the absolute
opposite of guys that I'm usually into in EVERY single
way. He's also not the best looking which is strange for
me too. I usually go after pretty good looking guys if not
then at least "potentially cute" guys. Sam has gotten a
lot cuter to me just because I love his personality so
much. I feel really superficial and fake right now. I'm
really into him. I'd go on a date with him anytime. But
he's not cute, you could ask anyone and they would say
he's not cute. I wish so badly that he could be fixed up
or something, made cuter. I'm not sure if he could be. It
kind of hurts feeling this way. I mean, if I lived
somewhere where I had no family or friends or anything and
I just found him, I'd be with him most definitly. Call me
a heartless bitch, believe me I've called myself that a
lot lately, but I wouldn't want to bring him around my
family because I know what they would think. I hate that.
My family all expect me to find a good-looking guy,
because let's face it, I'm kind of cute. lol. And I'm so
into Sam. I usually don't get chills and stuff like that
with guys, especially not cute ones. I'm really not sure
why I'm feeling this way. It's making me really upset. I
feel like screaming. I hate it.
I was also wondering about the whole soul-mate thing.
Like, what happens if your soul-mate messes up or
something. Will you still be together? Or does that mess
it all up. I'd love to be with Sam, if he was a little
different. I'm so superficial. I never thought that I was,
but now I realize that I am. I hate realizing bad things
about myself. He is an absolutely awesome person though.
That's what I love so much about him. He's kind of quiet,
but not too quiet. He's sweet as hell. We were at the
bowling alley this morning and he called me pretty and
tiny. It gets me every time when guys call me tiny. That
always makes me feel really good, you know? Then Tabby was
like isn't she beautiful? And he's like Yeah, she is! That
made me feel really good too. I like him so much. Then
he's touched me a couple times. Just like touched my hand
or put his hands on my shoulders or something, gives me
chills. I love that feeling. I know I'll find someone
perfect for me somewhere, but I'm getting a bit impatient.
I just need to wait.
Sam's on a date tonight though. This girl at work likes
him, so he went on a double date with a friend of his. He
told me that he had a hot date Friday night, but he was
sarcastic. He's not even really giving it a chance though.
I really hope he has fun. He should at least put a little
effort into it. I think his date is a little bit jealous
of me though, because he's always with me. We're just
really good friends. You know how that can be? When you
like a guy and he's got a good girl friend. You do get
jealous. And she heard that he likes me, so I'm not sure
how she feels exactly. Then at the bowling alley, she was
there, trying to get his attention, but he was with me. I
felt a little bad about it, but whatever. I suppose that's
karma for me though, because there was this other girl
that he was talking too. I don't know who she was. She had
a kid there, but he kind of walked her out, which is fine,
whatever. They talked a bit at the alley. He waited around
after, I thought for me to leave. I still think that,
because he was next to me most of the time when we were
standing around talking after. He would bump into me and
stuff, ya know? But then this girl walked over and I'm not
sure what she did. She touched him or something and I
walked away, what was I supposed to do? But then she left
with her kid and he followed her. Then we walked out and
he was walking to his truck and I waved and he honked. I'm
not sure what to make of it all. I'm prettier than her,
but I think she might be a little more his type, maybe. He
told me the other day that his type is taller girls that
are thin, but not real thin. But then he said he liked
petite girl, I think. So, I have no idea. All I can say is
that I'm into him, but probably too chicken to really do
much about it, because of what people would say and thing.
THAT SUCKS! I hate myself for being that way, I honestly
do. I told a friend of mine and she told me that I was
just feeling this way because I haven't had a guy treat me
like that for a while and she may be right. I haven't been
told those things or felt this in a really long time, but
it feels really good. She kind of told me that he's not
good enough for me. I kind of agree, but I don't want to
agree. I hate it. I wish he was a little different, I
guess. He's got girls after him though, so it's not like
he's that bad. He'll find someone. I don't like that it's
not going to be me. When he does find someone that he's
into, I really hope that I'm still a close girl friend.