My mind as so many thoughts running threw it. I can't see
clearly anymore. I want my life back!! I want my old self
back too. I don't want to be nice anymore, but I am afraid
that I can't turn back into what I was before, not
possible. I am going to be strong for now on. I have been
loved and hurt. Lately, it's more hurt,...what people say
and do. So... for now on.. I will not show emotions
anymore, ok that's not possable either. What to do?.... I
am going to go out and make myself avaible again. I am not
going to sit around and wait on anyone. I am tired of being
a door mat for others.
I met someone tonight,he's 27yr old, not bad looking, his
name is Will. I don't know much about him yet. He was drunk
and tring to dance, I laugh so hard I almost fell out of my
chair. Kate and Amanda were rolling too! I ran into Walt
tonight, he asked me where Mark was at, I told him that he
was at home I think? He asked me why didn't I bring him
out, I told walt that Mark and I are not together according
to Mark, Walt got this look on his face and said"WHat? What
the hell happened?" then he took off his hat and shook his
head then put his hat back on. I could tell that he wasn't
happy about that. I told Walt that Mark doesn't want a
relationship and that's it. I have a feeling that Walt is
going to chew Mark a new one.
Anyways, that's no here or there, Mark is going to be Mark
and one of these days he'll wake up and see what he had and
lost. I try to live one day at a time.
I am not going to try to please anyone else except for
myself. It's all about me now!! And if I sound like a bitch
so be it! It's time for others to please me now. And If
Mark decides to come back to me then so be it, I just hope
that I haven't already moved on by then. He got his chance
and I waited and waited and put up w/enough bullshit,.. he
is going to have to win me over. I love him but it's hard
to be w/someone that you love if they don't love you back.
Well I am unsure if he loved me ,I think he does,..... He
just needs to accept his feeling for me and just be with
me. I am unsure how long I will wait for him to make up his
mind. He needs to hurry up and decide.