naughttychild

ANARCHYCOOKBOOK
2005-01-15 00:52:50 (UTC)

ME......CHLOE

OK, IT HAS BEEN A VERY LONG TIME SINCE I WROTE IN ONE OF
THESE. I AM NOW 19, AND ATTEND TEMPLE UNIVERSITY. I HAVE
GROWN A LOT AS A PERSON. FOR YEARS I WAS DEPRESSED. IT USED
TO BE SO HARD TO GET OUT OF BED, TO FACE PEOPLE, I HATED
SCHOOL. THANK GOD HIGHSCHOOL IS OVER WITH, AND HERE I AM. I
HAVE FINISHED ONE SEMESTER OF COLLEGE, I DID OK. MY GPA IS
A 3. I WANTED TO DO BETTER, IT IS NECESSARY FOR ME TO GET
ABOVE 3.0 THIS SECOND SEMESTER, SO I HAVE TO MAKE IT
HAPPEN. I HAVE MANY GOALS IN MY LIFE, WELL I GUESS WE ALL
DO. I WANT TO DISTINGUISH MYSELF THOUGH, I DO NOT WANT TO
BE JUST A NUMBER. I LOOK AT MY PARENTS, THE THINGS THEY
HAVE ACCOMPLISHED, AND THOSE THEY HAVE NOT ACCOMPLISHED. I
KNOW I'M STILL YOUNG, BUT WHAT I DO NOW IS MY FUTURE. I
GUESS EVERYTHING I HAVE DONE IN MY PAST HAS SHAPED MY
FUTURE, BUT NOW IT JUST SEEMS MORE REAL. ALTHOUGH I AM NOT
DEPRESSED ANYMORE, I STILL SUFFER FROM BAD ANXIETY. IT HAS
PLAGUED ME MY WHOLE LIFE. I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DO WITH IT
BETTTER I GUESS, OR MAYBE I HAVE JUST GOTTEN BETTER AT
ACTING LIKE I'M OK. I HAVE BEEN ON VACATION FROM SCHOOL FOR
A MONTH, AND I FORGOT HOW BEING AT HOME MAKES ME FEEL SO
UNCOMFORTABLE. I FEEL LIKE A CHILD SOMETIMES. I'M A GROWN
WOMEN, (AT LEAST I LOOK LIKE ONE) AND YET MY PARENTS
FIGHTING ALL THE TIME STILL GIVES ME THE WORST ANXIETY. I
HAVE ALWAYS HAD TROUBLE EXPRESSING MYSELF, SO HOPEFULLY
WRITING IN THIS JOURNAL WILL HELP MY FRIENDS AND MY
BOYFRIEND UNDERSTAND ME BETTER. I JUST WANT TO DO SOMETHING
EXTROARDINARY WITH MY LIFE. MAYBE EVERYONE DOES, BUT I JUST
WANT TO DISTINGUISH MYSELF. WHAT IF I CAN NOT? WHAT IF I
FAIL? I GUESS I CAN'T LET MY SELF WORRY, BUT IT JUST
HAPPENS. SOMETIMES I FEEL SO LOST, I ANALYZE TOO MUCH. I
FEEL LIKE I'M RUNNING FROM SOMETHING, (IT'S PROBABLY
REALITY). I ALWAYS WANT TO BE SOMEWHERE ELSE. IF I'M IN ONE
PLACE TOO LONG I GET BORED. I'M LIKE A LITTLE GIRL, I WANT
EVERYTHING, I WANT ADVENTURE, SOMETHING DIFFERENT. FOR MOST
OF MY LIFE, I HAVE BEEN A LONER, PUSHED PEOPLE AWAY FROM
ME. MAYBE I JUST FELT LIKE NO ONE COULD UNDERSTAND ME,
BECAUSE I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND MYSELF. IT FRUSTRATED ME. I
AM TRYING TO KEEP IN TOUCH WITH MY FRIENDS, AND MAKE NEW
FRIENDS AS WELL. I USED TO THINK I DID NOT NEED ANYONE, I
THOUGHT I COULD JUST LIVE MY LIFE BY MY SELF. I KNOW I
CANT. I KNOW HAVING FRIENDS CAN HELP ME BECOME SUCCESSFUL,
CREATE CONNECTIONS. I NEED TO LEARN TO ENJOY MY LIFE. EVEN
THOUGH I MIGHT HAVE NOT DONE AS WELL AS I WANTED TO DO THIS
SEMESTER, I HAVE LEARNED THAT I NEED OTHERS IN MY LIFE.
THIS IS PERHAPS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING I WILL LEARN OUT
OF MY FOUR YEARS I WILL HAVE AT TEMPLE.