Elizabeth M.
2005-01-15 00:52:16 (UTC)

Stupid things I do

I sleep alot now a days only to forget about things that
aren't going right in my life. I am hoping that when I
awaken that everything will go back to the way things were.
It never happenes. I have found that as I get older that I
tend to get more emotional about certain things, where I
didn't give a shit before. I know that I have said before
that I didn't care if I was alone or not, Hell I was alone
for over 3yrs, my choice... But I think in the back of my
mind that I am scared to death to not have someone in my
life. I think because I had such high hopes and dreams in
my life, but the dreams turn into nightmares. I want my
life back!!!
Well I got turn down for another job that I applied for.
No biggie, maybe I should just go back to being a vet.
This weekend Kate/my mom/and amanda are going away to
Alantic City, I was going to go but I don't have any money.
I have an up coming temp. job house sitting, I'll make
$538.00 for 2 weeks and that will be almost enough to go to
bartending school. Kate keeps on telling me that I wont be
any good at that, I am unsure. I want to make something of
myself, I want to be in charge, I want to make alot of
money so I can buy my own house w/land,I also want a house
in the country too, w/horses and a farm. I can't rely on
anyone else to do that for me,besides I don't think that I
want someone else buying me that.
I have worked so hard over the past several yrs and threw
all the money I made on the guys I was with, yeah I was
stupid and continue to be stupid. My first love, when I was
in high school the first sumer job I had I made in 3 month
over $3000.00 and I gave to him, Stupid huh? I was in love
and he needed some money. I probably spent at the very
least on that guy alone enough money to buy a house. That's
ok, At least I kept the ring!! The second time I spent
money on a house and fixed it up and it wasn't even mine.
I think that I am fine when it comes to spending money when
I am not with anyone. My lastest, ...YOu would think that I
would learn by now.... Anyways, I am not going to tell what
I have spent on the newest. He keeps on telling me not to
buy him anything. So I made a promise that I wouldn't buy
him anything else, but that was after I already bought
things. Sometimes an unexpected gift can cheer a person up,
I try so hard to make people happy.
This world is so cold at times and now a days people are
so nasty and cruel. If I can rub off a little bit of me on
everyone I meet, it might change things. I figure that If I
am not allowed to be happy then I mine as well make the
people around me happy.
I switched rings again. I wear one that is close to my
heart, that was given to me 1 Christmas long ago. A promise
was made with this ring, but .... I never fulfilled that
promise, it had always brought me luck in the past so I
wear it. My first engagment ring.

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