alone and adored
2005-01-14 18:35:19 (UTC)

My Failure of a Life

In grade 9 I said Id work my ass off in grade 10. In grade
10 I said Id wrok my ass off in grade 11. In grade 11 i
said Id work my ass off in grade 12 to get into university.
Im now half way through grade 12 and Im still a huge
slacker with no willpower, determination, drive or
motivation. I just feel like my life is falling apart. What
if I dont get into university? My life as I know it will be
fucked up for good. There's nothing I would be able to do.
If not university then what? I dont even have a job for 9
month of the year. I feel like such a failure. every test
i write goes wrong. every mark i get back seems to be under-
par. I just cant hack doing actual work. What am I gonna
do for exams? Ill probably bullshit my way through all of
them. And most people get accepted to Univeristy on their
frist term marks... so what... Ill have to get accepted on
my second term marks? Thats cutting it too short. I have no
idea what my grades are right now; mid terms werent too
good but I was told Id be fine for getting into Dal.
minimum 75% with no mark below 65%... I actually have no
idea if I fall into that category. For all I know I could
be completely fucked. Im so stressed out about this. Im
just cant hack it but i know once i get in itll all be
okay. But for now I have to worry so much about getting
accepted. What the fucking hell am I gonna do if i dont get
in? I cant even try.. fuck I suck.

Oh and i didnt even go to rowing this morning so that's
another thing I can add to my list of things to punish
myself over.

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