LibraLady

ImIn&Lost
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2005-01-14 12:44:08 (UTC)

My Worst Fear

Well it happened. He admitted to thinking about a
seperation. I just broke down. What am I going to do? He
says we don't get along and that we have nothing in common,
according to him. He said 4 people told him that we should
seperate. I feel like he isn't giving me a chance. All
marriages have problems, why can't we try to fix it? He
wants time to think about things. Last night I pushed him
too far. That when he said "seperation". My poor baby girl,
she not going to understand what going on. I love him so
much I just can't believe that he'll hurt her like this.
Why Lord why? What did do so wrong? I pleaded with him not
to do this. I don't know if it did any good. He says he
loves me and that he don't want a divorce, so what am I to
think? I didn't go to work today because I was up all
night. My stomach keeps shaking and I can't stop crying. I
told him I would work on my temper because I don't even
like how I act sometimes and I told him we need to work on
finding things in common. He does things that I'm
interested in, but I was always afraid to try anything new
because I was afraid of failing at it or looking stupid. I
wish now I had not been that way. Maybe things would be
better if I had tried to show an interest. So now what?
Should I wait around and see what his answer will be, or do
I give up and go. I don't want to. I want to fight for us,
but I'm afraid it's a losing battle. Why did he ask me to
marry him? I was so afraid of this. I made it so clear to
him before we were married that I don't believe in divorce.
I wanted him to make sure that this is what he wanted. He
promised to never leave me no matter what. I guess it's
only true when he wants it to be. I can't make it on my
own. I don't make enough money to support myself and my
daughter. What if he tries to fight me for her? If I loose
her too and won't be able to make it. He knows nothing of
doctor appointments, medicine, bathing her, everything she
needs everyday. He does play with her and support her
financially, but I do the rest. I just can't believe this.
What am I to do? I can't think anymore. I guess I'm going
to take a couple of sleeping pills and try to get some
sleep. I've got to go.


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