chaostaco87

the cheese drawer
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2005-01-14 03:34:49 (UTC)

i need this weekend so fucking bad

fucking christ
every goddamm day my mood gets worse, and Melissa saying
she's gonna call me then not and not telling her parents
that we're going out isn't fucking helping me out any.
like today. Melissa was supposed to call me so we could
study for our fucking bio2 ap class, but i am yet to hear
my fucking phone ring. and it's 7:28 pm right now. plus
my parents are gone so i wouldn't be able to leave the
fucking house anyway. FUCK. And everything that's on my
mind just keeps coming back no matter what the fuck i do.
i fuckin hate myself for it. i haven't been pissed off
like this in a long fucking time. it's starting to have
physical effects too. i can feel a burning feeling right
around the pit of my stomach and my back is starting to
hurt from my muscles tensing up. and i'm starting to get
tired as hell. it fucking SUCKS. and nothing i do is
making me feel any better. in fact, everything is just
pissing me off even more. and my fucking distortion pedal
is fucked up. evry time i turn it off i have to take the
battery out and put it back in for it to turn on. i don't
know who fucked it up either. and my amp is still fuckind
broken. and i know staying pissed off like this will just
make it easy or me to fuck up with Melissa. FUCK FUCK
FUCK. why can't things be fucking easy for once in my
goddam life? why does my mind make everything seem worse
than it is? i fucking hate myself. and i'm not fucking
suicidal so don't send me shit asking if i am or saying i
should see a fucking psychologist.


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