Recovery of a Sex Addict
day 13 Phone call late at night
Last night I recieved a call from a new guy in AA. he was
thinking about drinking. I should say that I have been
sober in AA 8 years and 2 months and am very active in
meetings and service work. anyway his sponser told him
that he didnt think we was done and told him to go drink.
I talked with him for about 20 min and told him some of my
experience. I have been thinking about what this guys
sponser told him. I guess the conclussion that I am
comming to is that it is not my place to give orders. I am
just here to share my experience with anyone who is
interested. I am not the expert on staying sober. shit I
cant run my life on a daily basis so what make me think
that I can run the guys that I sponser. That is like an
extended form of self will. I have had some fear this
morning surrounding work and I have been checking out some
women on campus. I think it all started this morning when
I was watching the news and saw they had a segment on the
mainstreamness of porn. I was drawn in. Lust started to
take a foothold and it has continued to get a foothold
through out my day as I check out women. this is really me
looking for a way to escape the fear that I talked about
earlier. I think that sometime somewhere I can control and
enjoy lusting. This is the great obsession of sexaholics.
I am powerless over it. I believe that if I seek it out.
I cant stay sober, sooner or later I will be back on the
internet or in a chat room, or looking for a connection.
All that I hold dear in my life will take backseat to this
addiction. I dont want that. I am tired of being a slave.
I am done.