When RheaSunshine Speaks
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2005-01-13 19:22:14 (UTC)

Finding Out What you Want

People have always told me that I should go to college and
when I got out I would know what I wanted out of life.
However, it didn't work quite like that for me and now at
the age of 26, I am really finding out, evaluating, and
learning what I really want and what makes me happy. I
have figured out that is not something you know all of a
sudden, but more of a process that you go through in life
contstantly revising the plan and adjusting to fit your
own growth and the growth of others in your life. So now
I am starting to see what I want. I want to teach high
school math, which I have known for some time but needed
to remind myself so as to not lose focus. I also want to
coach volleyball at the high school that I teach, plus
club in the off season. I want to worship and lead
worship but not corporately, I want to lead people that
lead people in worship, I guess that is the teacher in
me. I just like being a catalyst, I don't have to be the
explosion. I know that now and knowing is half the battle
is what they always say. I hate cliche's but it fit right
there you know.

Poetically, I just want to write something that matters on
a daily basis. I just want to know that jibberish is not
what filters through my mind everyday. I want to write
about more than love and poverty. I want to see the world
and my life at its deepest core and then pull the good the
bad and the ugly out and write it. I want people to feel
what I write because it is everything they wanted to say
but couldn't find the words to say.

Personally, I want to be in the same city with Jimmie. I
want to marry him and be his wife. I want to have my own
kids and be a mother that teaches all day long from the
school house to the home. I just want to pour out of me
into everybody else, I guess. If that is possible because
I think there is more that God wants to pour into me and I
am full right now. Or at least that is how it seems. I
need to be emptied, so that I can allow The LORD and the
people that love me to pour back into me and refill me,
just so that I can pour myself out again.

So I figured part of it out and really that is all that
matters. I don't have to come to some crazy life decision
right now, I just need to know what I want right now and
make the moves to make it happen.


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