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2005-01-13 15:29:39 (UTC)


Yesterday I sent my husband a email. Basically I told him
what I think would help, and what I could do to make things
better for him. Now he's changed his mind. He said that he
decided that it's not my fault. That is is all on him. Why
he changed his mind, I don't know. He was so passionated
before that I was part of the problem. He has me so
confused. Anyways, He said that he appreicated the email
and that right know he don't think that he can do anything
that I suggested because he needs to be alone. I told him
that's ok, whatever it takes. I made sure he knew how much
I love him, and how much I and our daughter need him. I
asked him if that helped and he said no. That really hurts,
but I didn't let it show because I know it won't help him
right now. Am I doing the right thing? Am I being a good
wife? I don't know, I have no clue. So he went to bed very
early. I offered to fix him dinner and he said no. He
stayed upstairs all night until about 8. Comes down stairs
and goes to sleep in the recliner. I tell him goodnight and
that I love him about 9. He slept downstairs all night. I
hope there's not more to this then he's telling me. Most
people would think that maybe he's cheating on me or
thinking about it. God I hope not, I just don't think I
could take it. It's just not fair. Why can't he be happy?
He has a wife, a daughter, house, 2 cars paid for, so now
what? I know he had a rough childhood, but that's over. His
life now is three times better then it ever has been. I
just think that he should be happy. I wish I could
understand what he is going through. I'll keep praying for
him and us and hope for the best.
On to better things, I gave blood yesterday for the first
time and I bet I'll never to that again. They stuck me in
one arm and instead of the blood going in the needle it
shot out and ran down the seat to the floor. So then they
had to stick my other arm. I was fine until they were done.
I got real light headed, sick to my stomach, and broke out
in a cold sweat. It took me over an hour to get back to
normal. I still wasn't a 100% the rest of the day. My
daughter and I played a game called hallobaloo last night
which made me sick. I guess I should not have done all that
physical activity because I got light-headed and had to
stop. So we switched over to operation. We had lots of fun
though. She keeps me anchored in life. Best thing that ever
happened to me. I hope today is a better day for all of us.

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