sarbare

illuminations
2005-01-13 00:19:40 (UTC)

geeze!!! what to do! what to do?.....

okay i need to know, i need to decide. i need to think, i
need to quit kidding myself.
okay so if ya read my last entry you may have come up with
the opinion that brian is playing mind games, or not...
well i am confused, or maybe im not... maybe im in denial.

okay so we had that little conversation, but that is not the
only time things like that have happened. brian asked me to
hang out last fri. night, then says he is going to hang out
with a buddy, can we meet up later, i say sure you want to
meet at a bar with my friends and i... brian: uhh well i
dont know of any 18 and over bars tonight, every where is 21
and over. so im like okay well im going to go hang out with
lani and dara. well i get drunk... i go over later,
everythong is cool. we have sex (damn good sex) lol.. i had
to try out my new toung ring of course. everything is fine.
the next day i go home and he calls me in the eving... he
starts up with the i dunno if i can do this crap, that he
pulls all the time. ugh!!! i tell him that i would have
rather just been with him, but nooo he has to go out with
his buddy. but they i start to think about it. first of all
i wonder if he really had to go out, or if he was testing to
see if i would get drunk. then i start thinking well why
would he wait till now to bring this up...

okay then there is the phone thing, so mysterious person
supposedly called him saying i did shit with someone else
when i was drunk, and he goes on and on that im lying... all
this is in my last entry... but im wondering if anyone
really did call.

and yesterday before that whole conversation i get an im
from this guy ~ Johnnywadd311 ... he says he saw me on
americansingles.com ... funny thing is i havent been on
there in over 2 mo. and the last three numbers are the same
as brians sn. so i tell the guy im not interested. he askes
if i want a pic, i say no then close window. it pops back up
with ?? so i close it again and put on my away...
okay so wierd quinki-dink right?

well i save the name to my buddy list. johnnywadd A.K.A
johnny dip-wadd, goes idle, after 20 min, and bri's has had
his away on for about 20 min. then johnny dip-wadd pokes
back up as no longer idle, 3 sec. later brian takes his away
off.... hmmmmm.... interesting....
so ive been watching both names. and it dosnt always happen
but it seems like 2 outa 3 times when johnny goes idle bri's
been away for about 20 min. and when no longer idle brian
comes back from away a few sec later. then today i have my
friend nat, im this johnny dip-wadd, and he dosnt respond
but he has been idle and pops up as not idle, 2 sec later
brians back, so we talk for a while *conversation i will
explain in a sec* then he signs off.... AMAZINGLY!!!...
johnny dip-shit *oops* signs off too! hmmmmm

ok so the conversation i have with brian goes like this

me~ i cant get a car for the whole night, my mom has class
and my dad has things to do early tomm.

brian~ well maybe tomm then
*note* whenever he says something like this you can
never be to sure if he is okay with it or going to
blow up if you agree with him.

me~ i miss you though and want to see you today

**goes on like this for a while and i talk about the car im
getting tomm. and how ill be able to come over whenever
one i get it, then he starts in like well come over at 9**

me~ i will try but not sure if i can get a car

brian~ maybe we should do this another time
*note* another unsettling comment in my mind, so i come
up with the brilliant...

me~ okay your confusing me.

brian~ well it just seem like your busy or you cant
*note* thank god i cought that one!

me~ well im not busy, the only problem is i dont have my own
car to use whenever i want

brian~ uh i know
*note* wheew, that coulda gotten bad

Brian~ well maby its just better to do it another time then
**UGH here we go again!!!

me~ tomm? but id really like to see you today

brian~ :-P okay then ill call you
*note* GOOD GOD am i confused!!!


okay well ther or ather instances that are in other entries.
i just need to come to my senses. this guy is fucking with
me isnt he???? ugh i wish people would read this and tell me
what they think. and not the people i know i hear enough of
them and there all biased. they eather like me, dated me or
are family.
does it seem like it is in my head and im over analyzing
things or is he really fucking with me????
well anything helps, i need to sort this out so i can make a
decision on if i should wait it out and see what happends,
or if this guy is the looser every one i talk to thinks he is.




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