Dazed

Fifth element
2005-01-12 20:48:58 (UTC)

Drown...

GOOD MORNING DAY. IM SORRY I'M NOT THERE. BUT ALL MY
FAVORITE FRIENDS HAVE VANISHED IN THE AIR.
I don't know what is wrong with me. I constantly feel tired and
numb. I feel like I don't belong here. It's like no matter what I do,
nothing ever changes. It's always the same damn thing every
single day. I have no will, no ability to motivate myself I end up
talking taking out my homework. Getting a pen, then I'll leave
before even starting. It's always the same. I know I have nothing to
complain about. I have an amazing life with a family who loves me
and everything I need when on the other side of the world so many
people have been hit by that Tsunami and now their lives are
ruined. i have no right to complain. There is something wrong with
me. Nothing happened to me that could cause such depression.
then, I'd go somewhere and walk around in a daze, making
everyone think I am stoned although I have never TOUCHED
drugs and I don't intend to. I am thankful for all that God has given
me. But I can't trust anyone. I have a very dark outlook on life and
always expect the worst. I hate it. i HATE it and I want it to stop but I
can't tell anyone because they find me selfish to complain for no
reason. Even when everything is going right I feel down. One of my
friends thinks Its because of the music I listen to but I know it isn't
true. the loneliness and boredom is what led me to listening to this
in the first place.
please don't think I am a terrible person. i know I have no
right to be this way when others have to cope with such hardships.
It's just that this is the only place I can honestly be myself, because
if I right in a real diary im always afraid someone will find it. But
here, anyone can read this and since no one will know who I am, it
doesn't matter. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

IF I NEEDED SOMEONE TO CONTROL ME. IF I NEEDED
SOMEONE TO HOLD ME DOWN. I WOULD CHANGE MY
DIRECTION. AND SAVE MYSELF BEFORE I DROWN.


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