My TwIsTeD tHoUgHtS
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2005-01-11 15:30:02 (UTC)

It WoUlD fEeL sO gOoD tO bE sO bAd YoU dOnT kNoW hOw BaD I wAnT tHaT i WoUlD dO aNyThInG tO fEeL.....YoUr LiPs UpOn My LiPs..etc

Aint that so true??? Ever want to kiss someone oh so bad
that you feel so empty until you get it??? Uh oh, I'm in
one of those moods! But it's for certain reasons I guess
you can say. I would say that I might get fixed this
weekend at Sarah's, but I doubt even that would help it.
LoL But just in case I am still packing those lucky undies!
LoL Yes, the SAME lucky undies I wore last time I was there
and did manage to get lucky,well I wouldn't call what
happen luck. That's a totally long and retarded story so I
wont be getting into that.

Ok, I retract somethings I've said in past posts on here.
What you may ask? The whole thing about not caring. Sure, I
do care of course, but how far is the question. Would I
kill for you or die for you? Doubtful, but I would be there
for you. I will only make you feel safe as much as you make
me feel. If you make me feel loved, I will do the same for
you, the same as feeling wanted, cared for, etc. 2004 was
my worst year EVER! I'm really being serious. I wanted it
to be over so bad. The first thing I did in 2005 was call
someone and I remember a lot of what I said. I hope they do
too. What made 2004 so bad....here it goes and I hope a lot
of you read this and understand it.

1. I got divorced
2. Jan 2nd I was moving back into my rents house
3. I got kicked out of their house
4. My sister and I got into this huge fight that we are
both still not over
5. I almost get arrested for being friends with a 17 year
6. Family turned on me
7. Some stupid jerk I once called a cousin, whom I share my
blood with, ruined a big part of my life
8. I almost lost my best friends
9. Tim costs me over $3,000 in fees and screwed over my
credit, I owed money to people and things I had no clue
10. Me and Cody's mom arent speaking anymore.
11. I missed my own birthday and my moms because I was
helping a so called friend. I spent my moms birthday at the
jail, because I was helping someone out and being there for
them instead of my own mother.

Which brings me to that, the biggest part of my worst year.
I believed so much in someone. I looked up to them, I
wanted to be just like them and for a while I realized I
turned into them and didn't like it. I believed in every
word they told me. I spent a lot of my nights with them to
make sure they were okay, when they weren't. I lost sleep
worrying over them. I devoted a lot of time on them so
much! No matter what, I was there. Then I was dropped just
like that! BAM! I wake up and lay there and I think to
myself "Who the hell am I?" I lost my closest friends, my
parents think I'm this huge bitch, all I do is drink, I'm
broke now, when I got dropped from this person I had NO ONE
LEFT. I had given up my friends, my family didn't wanna be
around and the only two people I hung with didn't want me
around for reasons I'm still unsure of. I straighten myself
up, pleaded with my friends and got them back. Thankfully
they are true friends or else I wouldn't have them. I'm
sorry for a lot of what happened and I have a few regrets,
but I'm glad it happened. I gained a friend, me and Jenna
are closer than ever now and my life is just fine now.
Along with some minor mess ups, everything is okay. Do I
miss this person? Yeah, sometimes when I think about a lot
of stuff we joked about and all, but deep down I can get
things like that somewhere else. I just think of them like
an ex boyfriend. LoL Which I don't speak to any of my ex's.
Out of sight out of mind. It's like this now, I don't look
up to you, I pitty you. Your life is how it is now because
you let it get that way. No one else did it but you. I hope
you remember that.

Okay, I got some damn laundry to do. I gotta have some nice
stuff to wear this weekend. LoL I'm so fuckin ready damnit!
I wanna go now!!!!! Can we say.........ROAD TRIP!!!!!!!!!!!